Congressman Kimble Releases Statement on Elect Woman Smear

This evening I discovered a website called Elect Women Magazine was targeting me. Here is a screen capture of what they posted:


My press release is as follows:

The feminati sent out their minions to do their bidding. The matriarchy cannot tolerate threats from thoughtful males who might disrupt their comfortable world. The firefight started when these she wolves sensed weakness. The Amazon warriors of the Manhattan cocktail set attacked with a viciousness far beyond the male of their species, firing without taking aim their distortions and falsehoods. Now they are left exposed by their own headlines and website. But surely they had killed him off. This is the way it always worked. A lesser man could not have survived the first few minutes of the furies' onslaught. But out of the Brett Ratner like explosion of tweets and trivia emerged Kimble, once again ready to lead those who won’t be intimated by this matriarchy's power and are ready to take on the challenges America faces. Such is the way of Jack Kimble and such shall it always be. On this I have spoken and on this have you my word.

Congressman Kimble's Open Letter to Amy Myers

A letter from a New Jersey high school student to Michele Bachmann challenging her to a debate or test of Constitutional knowledge has received a lot of mileage on the internets recently. The student named Amy Myers shows a tremendous amount of chutzpah as she goes immediately on the offensive. This is her letter:

Dear Representative Bachmann,
My name is Amy Myers. I am a Cherry Hill, New Jersey sophomore attending Cherry Hill High School East. As a typical high school student, I have found quite a few of your statements regarding The Constitution of the United States, the quality of public school education and general U.S. civics matters to be factually incorrect, inaccurately applied or grossly distorted. The frequency and scope of these comments prompted me to write this letter.

Though I am not in your home district, or even your home state, you are a United States Representative of some prominence who is subject to national media coverage. News outlets and websites across this country profile your causes and viewpoints on a regular basis. As one of a handful of women in Congress, you hold a distinct privilege and responsibility to better represent your gender nationally. The statements you make help to serve an injustice to not only the position of Congresswoman, but women everywhere. Though politically expedient, incorrect comments cast a shadow on your person and by unfortunate proxy, both your supporters and detractors alike often generalize this shadow to women as a whole.

Rep. Bachmann, the frequent inability you have shown to accurately and factually present even the most basic information about the United States led me to submit the follow challenge, pitting my public education against your advanced legal education:

I, Amy Myers, do hereby challenge Representative Michele Bachmann to a Public Forum Debate and/or Fact Test on The Constitution of the United States, United States History and United States Civics.

Hopefully, we will be able to meet for such an event, as it would prove to be enlightening.

Sincerely yours,
Amy Myers

My response is as follows:

Dear Amy,

Allow me to commend you on expressing yourself so clearly. I have no doubt that you are a great student who has made your parents and teachers proud in your time in high school. I predict a very bright future for you once you mature young student and embrace the GOP.

Michele Bachmann is one of the finest Constitutional scholars I have ever known. I am not just saying that because she is a woman either. I honestly learn something new every single time she talks about the Constitution. The Constitution is the result of the greatest men of all 13 original colonies who got together on an excessively hot July 4th to write down the rules for how our government would work. They made history.

As much as I salute your intelligence, I am afraid you need to learn humility. In my day, that would have happened already during your PE classes, but I understand things have changed. If you want to challenge somebody to a test of Constitutional knowledge or a debate of any kind, then I will gladly accept on behalf of all Republicans in the 112th Congress. Just realize that if you accept, I will crush you. I know nearly all 2 dozen amendments backwards and forwards and with a little brushing up I will be ready for any challenge. If you want a challenge little girl, bring it.

Congressman Jack Kimble
Congressman CA-54

Update: If I appeared harsh to Amy I apologize. She is obviously quite gifted for one so young. However, the young student will never achieve her destiny until she embraces the power of the GOP. In time she will realize she is mistaken about a great many things.

New Kimble 2012 Ad - Bears

We're quite proud of this 30 second spot, which we intend to put in heavy rotation in states with a lot of labor strife. The bears are actually a metaphor for trade unions.

Jack Kimble (Courageousness)

My decision to make an add buy last week targeting Obama for being soft on terror was probably a bad idea in retrospect, but the buy allowed me to put together a new forward looking commercial with a positive message for voters in Iowa, New Hampshire, and South Carolina.

Police Arrest Woman Who Assaulted Congressman Kimble

Following a tip from a member of her bridge group, Glendale Valley Police arrested Edna Mae Watkins 82 of Glendale Valley after setting up a sting at a local diner where Ms. Watkins was known to frequent in the early afternoon hours. Police arrested Ms. Watkins peacefully, though a taser was used for the officers' safety.

During a heated exchange over the Ryan budget at a recent town hall, Ms. Watkins struck Congressman Kimble in the nose with her cane. She was escorted from the town hall by Hell's Angels working as security, but managed to trick the amateur security into letting her go.

With his nose still heavily bandaged, Congressman Kimble issues a statement saying, "This is a great day for law enforcement. What Ms. Watkins did was assault pure and simple and there is never an excuse for this kind of attack. I will make sure that she is prosecuted to the full extent of the law."

Jack Kimble Releases Statement on Glendale Valley Townhall

There are no easy words to sum up the events at last evening's disastrous town hall on the budget and the national debt crisis. It was clear from the opening moments of this town hall that the crowd was contentious. I will be asking that appropriate law enforcement individuals look into the possibility that the crowd was stirred up by Democrat operatives in the crowd. There can, however be no doubt that mistakes were made.

At last year's town hall event in Rancho Podrido I had hired Hell's Angels to serve as security without incident. I attempted to hire their services again and in retrospect, it seemed to be a big mistake. If anything they seemed to make the situation more volatile and not less so. It became clear to me that things had gotten out of hand when a woman charged the stage and hit me cleanly across the bridge of my nose with her cane. She was forcibly removed from the town hall and I will be sure that she will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

Things escalated from there. I saw several members of the unruly mob agitate the Hell's Angels by deliberately plowing into them with their mobility scooters. Finally, when an Oakdale man charged the stage with a walker, he was tackled by one of the Hell's Angels and the situation had clearly become untenable. I ended the town hall at that point and exited out a back door. Reports, that I had used an elderly woman as a human shield by pushing her into the angry crowd are totally and completely fabricated. It is my belief that many of the seniors are strongly supportive of the Ryan budget and it was only a few bad apples who caused the problems. I will no longer be employing the Hell's Angels as security at my town halls.

Jack Kimble Urges Everyone to Get The Word Out

Running for President can be extremely exhausting. Very few people would fly to Marshalltown, IA on Good Friday for a campaign event at the Made-Rite. It's even worse when people look at that said candidate suspiciously for having a loose meat sandwich on a Friday in Lent when that candidate hadn't eaten all day and got a special dispensation from his pastor before leaving California.

The point is, visibility is going to be a major stumbling block for me this campaign. I know my message will resonate with voters, but in order for that to happen, they have to hear it. Many times, the lamestream media doesn't even include me in Presidential polls. With liberal media bias against our campaign, only we can rise above by getting the word out ourselves. Unfortunately, with so many of my followers living in gated communities even yard signs are less effective than ideal.

There are 4 main sources of fund-raising open to me:
1. Hitting Mom and Dad for Cash
2. Hitting Lobbyists for Cash
3. Asking You for Donations
4. Selling You Things in the Online Store

Now my mom and dad have done their part and the oil lobbyists have been very cooperative. I could simply ask for donations, but that's just cash. I want you to not only generate word of mouth for my campaign, but to have a wonderful souvenir to treasure while you're watching my inauguration on television. Just think how impressed your neighbors would be to see a yard sign like the one pictured above -- Only $10.95 at our campaign store. We have buttons and t-shirts as well to let you show your support in style. I'm doing my part, but without you it won't work. Together we can take back this country and take it way back. You can visit the campaign store by clicking on the Shop link at the top of the page.