The Blog Thus Far

I hope you have enjoyed the blog so far. Other than an angry call from Johnny Boehner I have been too. I guess he was afraid that some of my Asian constituents would be offended by my saying "me love you long time" in relation to Michelle Malkin. If you are Asian, we're cool right? Anyway, I promised John that I'd be more careful with what I was saying. Another blogger actually saved where I said Nancy Pelosi had cold dead eyes to use against me. Man, please don't show her that. Anyway, I asked some people who stopped by my office today for questions so that I could try and get more of my constituents over to this blog. Please feel free to ask me anything. If I don't know the answer I'll make something up lol.

What are you most proud of in your career in congress?
That's tough. I'd probably go with getting President Obama to change his stimulus bill despite not voting for it anyway. That
was pretty awesome.

Do you want President Obama to fail?
You bet. He wants me to fail too. In 4 years, I'd like to be driving my car and stop at a stoplight and have him start cleaning my windshield.

What do you like least about being in congress?
My chair squeeks. They keep telling me they'll look at it, but if you lean back and to the left a bit it'll start squeeking. During his address to congress, I kept squeeking whenever Obama would pause. You can hear me doing it on the broadcasts too lol.

What was your most difficult moment in congress?
Nobody bothered to tell me that Barney Frank was gay. Gabrielle Giffords walked by in this very short suit and I pointed to her and told Barney, "I wouldn't mind fillibustering that if you know what I mean." I guess she overheard and when she turned around, I told her, "It was him" pointing to Barney. She came back to us punched me in the stomach, grabbed me by the tie and told me "I'm married to an astronaut Kimble. We can put your remains where they'll never find them." I think she meant it too.

Become a Summer Intern

Don't forget to stop by my office for applications for a Summer Internship. I'm going to need between 4 and 6 people this year. Being a Congressional intern looks great to future employers, gives valuable experience and we have a blast. Last year's interns (shown at our End of Summer BBQ) Jill, Staci, Jenny, and Sheila all said it was one of the most rewarding times of their life. Make sure you get your application in by May 1st.

See Representative Kimble on Fox 15

I just wanted to let you all know that I'm going to be on Fox 15 News at Noon tomorrow discussing how seniors can protect themselves from terrorist attack. My bill for arming nursing home staff for such a terrible eventuality will be discussed. If you or anybody you know is elderly, you're not going to want to miss this spot. I am really grateful to Linda Ellard, Charles Sweeney, and the entire Fox 15 News family for giving me this forum.

Do You Ever Wish You Had an Unlisted Number?

Sometimes, I really wish I had an unlisted number. Jeff Miller and Connie Mack got me hooked in this Judge Mathis Show, but I never get to catch it. When I'm in District, Lisa knows not to disturb me when its on. Even my friends who are lawyers admit that Judge Mathis has a way of just cutting to the root of a problem--that's an admirable quality in any judge.

Anyway, the one person Lisa never seems to be able to dodge is Eleanor Holmes Norton. Face to face she isn't that bad, but on the phone she's like a bulldog until she gets through. Now don't get me wrong, she's a very impressive woman, but she's not even really a representative. She's a House Member the way that Angie Dickenson was in the Rat Pack. I mean maybe technically she is, but she can't even vote. Pete Sessions gives her a hard time about it. It really cracks me up, but I think it frosts her bottom to not have an actual vote.

Anyway, she calls right in the middle of Judge Mathis and Lisa caves in and puts her through. We won the House Pictionary Tournament last year so she feels like she has an in with me and I don't dislike her or anything, but I'm trying to watch Mathis on mute with the captions scrolling and she's talking to me on the phone. For all I know I just agreed to support giving her voting rights. That woman is tenacious.

Representative Kimble on Gay Marriage

Friends, it is with great sadness I report that the Vermont legislature has chosen to override Governor Douglas's veto and allow same sex marriage. For shame Vermont. As a member of the House of Representatives, I can confidently say that it is the responsibility of the members of any duly elected legislature to give their full support to their executive regardless of political affiliation. Overriding a veto is something that should be done only in cases of extreme need.

I believe gay marriage is something that should be discussed on a state by state matter and as such I urge all readers to join the fight against gay marriage in their state and to send money to put a Constitutional amendment on the ballot in Vermont.

I want to make it perfectly clear that I have nothing against homosexuals. I simply wish to protect our children from their wanton lifestyle and have the right not to have to live near, sell to, or speak to homosexuals. I would also like to assure that no heterosexuals are discriminated against in traditionally homosexual fields like hair design, fashion, and jazz dance.

Fun at the Kimble Office

My secretary Lisa is my lifeline. She wasn't my favorite person this morning, but she got me up in time to go to the prayer breakfast. Now she's half Polish and half Irish, but she knows that I have a thing for Asian chicks. After the prayer breakfast I come back to my office and tell her not to let anybody disturb me until noon and I start to take a nap. At 10 minutes to noon she calls me pretending to be Michelle Malkin. She can imitate her voice perfectly. So I'm trying to remember my talking points and fumbling over myself and I can hear her giggling. I said to her "me love you long time" and I hung up and went out into the outer office and we laughed for like 5 minutes. She's got a boyfriend, but like I remind her, he's not a congressman. Anyway, when you're serving the people, you've got to keep a sense of humor.

Welcome Voters and Concerned Citizens

Since first being elected to the House in 2006, people from inside and outside my district alike have been telling me to make a presence on the internets. Like many of my conservative colleagues I was was weary of such foolishness. Then I met a man named Nate Peele who wanted to conduct an interview with me for his blog. I decided that this was exactly the kind of outreach that I needed to reach out to young voters in my district. Technology isn't always easy for a chicken farmer like me to figure out, but I hope this will be the beginning of something big.

For those of you who don't know me, I am the former CEO of Kimble Farms. If you haven't had one of our chickens in the yellow and blue packages you have probably been served a Kimble bird at one of the many fine restaurants who buy from us. We also sell beaks, slurry, and assorted waste products for industrial uses or to be used in chicken nuggets.

I am proud to say that my father built Kimble Farms from a small chicken shack to a multinational conglomerate through hard work. This is the same hard work that all Americans are called to today. I am living proof that the free enterprise system capitalist system works best for everybody from myself down to the migrant workers on my farms.

I have made education a priority. I am dismayed at the filfth that young children are seeing today. Gay marriage, socialism, evolution, foreign language study, and religious diversity are not the values that I was raised on and they are not the values that will see America into the next century. If we want to succeed we must do what we have always done best in this country and that is be Americans.