Oakdale Value Shopper on Jack Kimble's Absence from GOP Debate

Kimble Wins Debate vs. Fagen

[In a poll done shortly after the 9/4 debate between Congressman Jack Kimble and notorious businessman Daniel Fagen, results showed 54% of registered voters believed that Congressman Kimble either mostly won or kind of won the debate.]

ROGER HAWKE: Good evening from the Heritage Valley Ice Arena. I'm Roger Hawk of "Rancho Podrido This Week" on Cable Channel 19. Welcome to the first of two debate between Republican Congressman Jack Kimble and Oak Hill resident and Democratic nominee Dan Fagen.

The Kiwanis Club is the sponsor of this event and tonight's discussion will cover a wide range of topics, including domestic and foreign policy matters.

It will be divided roughly into three-minute segments. Each candidate will have 90 seconds to respond to a direct question and then his opponent will receive an additional minute for rebuttal and follow-up. The order has been determined by a coin toss.

The specific subjects and questions were chosen by me and have not been shared or cleared with anyone on the campaigns or on the commission. The audience here in the hall has promised to remain very polite, no cheers, applause, no untoward outbursts, except right at this minute now, as we welcome Congressman Kimble and Dan Fagen

(APPLAUSE)

FAGEN: Nice to meet you.

KIMBLE: It's a pleasure. Your suit is shiny.

FAGEN: Thank you

KIMBLE: Can I touch your suit?

HAWKE: Gentlemen, thank you for coming.

As we have determined by a coin toss, the first question will go to Dan Fagen with a 60-second follow-up from Congressman Kimble.

The economy is the most pressing issue for many California voters. Whether we're still in a recession or a so called jobless recovery, the status quo is not working for the working people of this state. How will you address the economy when elected?

KIMBLE: Let me begin by saying it's great to be here Roger and I love that tie.

I do take issue with the way you singled out the working people of California in your question. Many of my closest friends and family members are independently wealthy. They are suffering too as their investments decrease in value.

You know in 1980, Ronald Reagan invented an economic theory called supply side economics and he showed during his presidency that the best way to improve the economy was to put the hard working men and women of this country to work and the best way to do that is to cut the taxes on the rich.

You see in supply side or trickle down economics, when you allow the wealthy to keep more of their money and they use that money to tip very well--much higher than 15%. In that way, the prosperity that is given to the top income earners trickles down to the masses. That's what this country is built on. I not only favor extending the Bush tax cuts, I am in favor of doubling them. I believe we can afford to pay for them if we begin a program to fine those who choose not to do their fair share--the unemployed.

HAWKE: Thank you, Congressman. I apologize if my use of the term "working people" offended anybody.

Mister Fagen?

FAGEN: Thank you, Roger. And I thank the Kiwanis, also. I appreciate this privilege of being able to be here and speak with the 54th District and I have to say how am I losing to this guy?

The reason that this economy is suffering is because the middle class is an endangered species. CEOs and the wealthy of this country have been overcompensated for at least the past 10 years. It's the rest of us who are feeling the pinch. Only 7% of private employees are in labor unions and benefits keep getting cut. America has for generations been the land of opportunity where people could rise beyond their station. That's gone.

The first thing I want from Washington is an extension of unemployment benefits. There are no jobs out there, we're not fooling anybody. The second thing I want is a second targeted stimulus package like the first one we had before we started negotiating with Republicans who voted against it anyway after we made concessions. Will this increase the debt. Yes it will, but you do not cut your way out of a recession. Leaving our children a legacy of debt is tragic, but leaving them with a feudalistic corporate economy without a middle class is unconscionable.

HAWKE: Mister Fagen how, as congressman, would you work to shrink this gap of polarization which has sprung up in Washington, which you both have spoken about here tonight?

FAGEN: Well, I hate to say it, but that gap isn't going away anytime soon. Extremes and redistricting have eliminated your Lincoln Chaffey Republicans and your Sam Nunn Democrats.

I can tell you that the Republicans have made it their mission for the past two years to say no to the Democrats on everything from health care for 9/11 responders to helping small business. If they win again, they'll be emboldened and the congress will shut down for two years as we await the 2012 election. Our country can't afford this.

As your Congressman, I will work with anybody regardless of party to help the citizens of this great district, but I won't compromise our values just so I can say we got 2 Republican votes.

HAWKE: Congressman Kimble.

KIMBLE: I love corn dogs. Sometimes I'll deep them in sweet mustard, but I also really like them plain. I'm sure many of you were at the Heritage Valley Corn Dog Festival a few weeks back.

I think the corn dog is the most Republican food. You take something good like a hot dog. You make it better by deep frying it. Then you put it on a stick so you can eat it while you're walking around or working. That's why corn dogs sell so well in Republican places like here or Texas.

Now Democrats are more like funnel cake. You just plop it on a plate and toss some sugar on it. You might want some funnel cake after you have another corn dog, but wouldn't you really just have another corn dog?

HAWKE: You have another 30 seconds Congressman. Did you wish to expand on your answer?

KIMBLE: No. Well other than to say, I could really go for a corn dog.

HAWKE: How have your experiences before entering public service helped you to understand the people of the district you represent.

KIMBLE: I'm glad you asked that. As a businessman, I learned how to make the hard decisions and how to earn a full day's pay by doing a full day's work. I did a lot of things in business that were important and essential to making money and profit in a professional type manner and in doing so the value to taxpayers and employees of our company was maximized further more.

My opponent doesn't know what it's like to be a businessman behind blue ties. I know that their dreams are not as empty as their conscious seems to be.

FAGEN: If I may Roger, Baba O'Republican seems to be quoting Who lyrics now. The truth is that the only job he ever had was working for his dad. Unfortunately, when he finally struck out on his own in his 40s, he wound up as our responsibility as tax payers.

My experiences as a teacher as well as a life source pilot on weekends let me look at our educational and health care systems first hand. My work in the peace corps in Uganda taught me a lot about the crises in Africa. All my life has been about service to people and that's why despite coming from a humble background myself, the Daniel and Margaret Fagen Foundation, which I named after my beloved parents has donated over 4.5 million dollars to charity in the past year.

HAWKE: Mr. Fagen, you have the chance to make the first closing statement.

FAGEN: Thank you Roger. As you know, my wife and I operate several shelters for battered women. When you are on the front lines of personal crises it isn't always pretty. Sometimes these women go back to an abusive relationship no matter how much you try and stop them and no matter how much they think they're ready to move on.

I admit that these last two years in Washington haven't been everything I hoped they'd be, but America you were in an abusive relationship when the Republicans were in charge and they took your money, they took your self-respect, and in some cases they took your children in unnecessary war overseas. It might be tempting to be disillusioned and say a pox on both your houses, but I can tell you that if you let people like Congressman Kimble represent you for the next two years, it won't get better. It will get worse. Send me to Washington to serve you and I promise I'll spend my time trying to fix things and not trying to win political points.

HAWKE: Congressman Kimble, your closing remarks.

KIMBLE: Life is one big political primary for God. Let's pray that we all get the nomination. I wish we had more time to go over the issues tonight. We haven't even talked about whether President Obama is a Muslim or not.

I know there are a lot of senior citizens watching this debate so let me just say that Obama's agenda is terrifying. Not only will your medical decisions be made by death panels whose main interest will be in harvesting your organs, but Obama is working with Nancy Pelosi right now to pass a law making it illegal for grandchildren to visit their grandparents.

My opponent is great at fancy speechifying, but I know that the voters of the 54th District are far too sophisticated to fall for his lies and half truths. Together, we can take back America to a better time when people weren't so uppity and music wasn't so loud. Thank you.

HAWKE: That ends tonight's debate. We want to thank the folks here at the Heritage Valley Ice Arena, and the Kiwanis

Thank you, Congressman Kimble and Mister Fagen. Good night, everybody.

A Day in My Life

Do you know what your U.S. Representative does? If not, you're not alone. Even though members of Congress play key roles in our government, they often are overlooked. They are democracy’s utility infielders.

What do members of Congress do? How do they spend their days? I think this is a very fascinating question. I’d like to try and answer it for you.

6:00 a.m.
I am up very early in the morning. My alarm is set for 5:00, but I hit snooze until 6:00. While I’m still in my pajamas I pour myself a bowl of cereal. I used to buy the small variety packs—you know the ones that have Cocoa Puffs, Lucky Charms, Rice Krispies, in tiny little boxes all wrapped up in cellophane. The problem is those boxes don’t have prizes in them. Now, I buy big boxes of cereal so I can still get something extra—that’s the Republican way. If the cereal gets stale, I buy a new box.

I like to take my cereal to the living room and watch early morning television. One of the local UHF station shows Mama’s Family and Gomer Pyle back to back. I like to start my day off with a laugh. After breakfast, I walk to the Capitol building.

8:00 a.m.
I have breakfast with a group of House Republicans and Joe Lieberman. This is mostly an excuse for myself to gloat to Duncan Hunter about what a bust Roy Williams has been on his Fantasy Football team. We try to explain football to Lieberman, but despite him saying “oh I get it” a lot, you know he doesn’t.

9:00 a.m.
My next stop is the House champer for a Republican conference meeting. Here, I have a great chance to talk directly to Republican leaders, or I would if we had some. I really look forward to this face to face time with my colleagues. It’s so funny, Joe Lieberman always follows us in here and we have to remind him that he caucuses with the Democrats. Then he acts like he was just kidding.

9:45 a.m.
I head over to my committee meetings. I’m on the Agriculture, Budget, Industrialization, and Protocol committees as well as the Softball Team and Glee Club. I’m told that committees do a lot of the important work in Congress, but they’re just so boring. I usually pass notes with one of my colleagues. Trent Franks is an amazing tic tac toe player and he can always beat me unless I can put a mark in the middle square first. Whether you can get a nap here or not really depends on your committee leader.
11:00 am.
I’m on the phone with C-Span, letting them know that I’m available to do interviews on any topic. They tell me they’ll get back to me, but they sound like they mean it this time.

11:30 a.m.
Unexpected events often happen. That’s why it’s important to make yourself scarce in the middle of the day as much as possible. If there are lunch plans, I’ll stick around. It’s always more fun to go as a group. If I’m on my own, I’ll usually go to Roy Rogers for the Double R Bar Burger.
1:00 p.m.
I get together with my staff and we watch Judge Mathis together. My office never misses the Judge if we can help it. I was so made that Obama overlooked him entirely for the Supreme Court. My staff also is in charge of making sure I see only positive mail. I’m currently working on a delicate international situation involving the Nigerian royal family that began with an email to my office. I am hopefully that I will be able to help this prince regain his rightful throne.

2:00 p.m.
I’m off to the National Republican Congressional Committee meeting. The NRCC works to get Republicans elected to Congress and we really hope we can turn things around. Lately, it’s just been one big cry session.

5:00 p.m.
A special voting session of the House of Representatives begins, and I go to my seat in the House chamber. Bells go off in our offices--just like in school--and we have 15 minutes to go to the House to cast our votes,

Voting usually occurs on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, and starts at about noon. But toward the end of a congressional session, voting can take place on any workday and can run late into the night, as the House rushes to complete work on legislation. This is great nap time. Ipods are strongly discouraged here—I found out the hard way. Speaker Pelosi will stare at you with her cold dead eyes if she thinks you’re screwing around. Sometimes, I like to make fart noises and dare her to catch me.

9:00 p.m.
Joe Lieberman always wants us to go to a hot tub party after a vote, but he’s so wrinkled now. I always decline. Instead, this is a good time to get together with colleagues at one of the local DC watering holes. Paul Broun always winds up in tears, but today he’s upbeat. He wants me to see if Debbie Wasserman Schultz likes him. I ask him if he means likes him and he says “like him like him”. I guess I’ll work on this tomorrow.

I Cannot Believe Olbermann

I was having a great day. My Fox 15 thing was a big hit and I got some good me time. So I'm sitting down eating dinner and I get this call from Johnny B. Now Boehner never calls during dinner time so I'm immediately alarmed. "Did you see Olbermann last night?" he asks me.

"No," I said, "Its recess. Get your head out of all that politics stuff."

"Its Virginia," he shot back, "Olbermann slammed Virginia."

Now, I was pissed. It seems as usual Keith Olbermann got only half the story and decided to jump to all sorts of conclusions. He told everybody that Eric Cantor got this idea that we would ambush the freshman Democrats when they spoke in Congress. Then we'd interrogate them and make them look foolish so that we could win partisan points and we would post this on Youtube. In fact, Eric Cantor's staff wrote our questions for us.

In reality, this idea started with me. My idea was water balloons. I thought it'd be cool, when we were all walking out, if we'd have our staff pelt them with water balloons and we'd post it on Youtube. It'd be so awesome because they'd be like "I'm a congressman, but I'm all wet. I don't look dignified at all. Help!"

Eric liked the idea a lot, but he figured the odds of all the freshman walking out at the same time was pretty small and people would tip off the Dems if all our staffers were outside holding water balloons. Our initial questions were wacky like when I was giving Betsey Markey the whole "Is your refrigerator running" shtick. Then Pelosi gave us a major tongue lashing for wasting Congress's time. Grrrr! I hate that woman. Now all that we're left with are boring policy questions. Cantor's staff was at least nice enough to write them for us.

Hazing the freshmen is nothing new. Cantor himself used to have to shave Dennis Hastert's back every Friday morning. I'm told that in the 19th century they used to make the freshmen reps where beanies. This sort of thing builds character. We've even been pretty lenient with the binge drinking with this class. So where does Mr. Keith Olbermann get off? I already told all of you about what Dick Cheney made me do.

Anyway, I made my own video of Virginia Foxx. I am hoping that this will cheer her up. I think you'll like it more than Olbermann's lame video of our "hazing" followed by my video for Virginia.

Liberal Media Takes Quote Out of Context

I thought that yesterday's groundbreaking went amazingly well. Imagine my surprise when the Sun-Telegraph called it an embarrassment for the voters who elected me. When I left there everybody was smiling and joking. I did have a couple of beers at lunch, but I was not what I would call "publicly intoxicated" by any stretch of the imagination. As for the comment about the Mexican construction working I was simply implying that if the Immigration Service was there, they'd be proud of how hard he was working. The Sun-Telegraph has had a long history of using quotes out of context and trying to call me an embarrassment. That happens when you're a newspaper that is about to go bankrupt. I have phoned the newspaper and demanded an apology.

Representative Kimble Attends Pinecrest Baptist Prayer Breakfast

If there is one thing that my district has plenty of, it would have to be devout senior citizens. Their simple faith as they get ready to pass on to the next world is really something inspiring. I don't know anybody else who would willingly get up early on a Tuesday morning in order to sit in church and then eat eggs and other foods that have been refreshingly freed from spice and flavor. The truth be told, this obligation somehow escaped my mind until I was lucky enough to receive several wake up calls from my Chief of Staff Lisa.

As a Representative, I find myself in a more difficult spot than say a Senator because I always have to be running for my next election. A Senator wouldn't be as concerned about senior citizens because he could be reasonably sure that within 6 years a lot of them will have died off. Unfortunately, I don't have that luxury with my next election less than 2 years away. Have you donated to my campaign yet? I don't know if God concerns himself with our little elections down here on Earth, but it just feels good to pray against Obama.

Why We're Not in Session

This is like Spring Break for us. For the next two weeks we're in what's called Spring District Work Period. It might just be me, but the meetings seem to drag on forever lately. Some of these representatives need to lighten up. I guess the main thing we do to kill time is to flirt with the female representatives.

I used to be lucky to have an office right be Vito Fossella and he was always good for a joke or to let me know how the ladies of congress were dressed on that particular day. Hottest congresswomen. That's debatable. Everybody has their favorites. Even though I'm a Republican I wouldn't mind a joint session with Stephanie Herseth Sandlin if you know what I mean. Of course Michelle Bachman has amazing legs. C-Span does not do them justice. I'm going with Marsha Blackburn of Tennessee though. That accent just melts your heart.

Representative Kimble Breaks Ground on G.I. to Greeter Center

I have to give a lot of credit to the good folks of my district, especially in Greenview. While a lot of people love to whine and complain about the high cost of medical care for seniors and the way the stock market collapse hurt a lot of people on fixed incomes, the people of Greenview have done something about it. Using stimulus funds, that I helped push hard to get for us, the volunteers at the Greenview Senior Center invited me to help break ground today on the new GIs to Greeters Center. The program is designed to give retired veterans the training necessary to become Walmart Greeters. Best of all, the program is not limited to veterans.

The idea is the brainchild of Roger Wainwright who was decorated for his service in Korea and was interested in a job at the local Walmart, but lacked any experience. Roger and his wife Betty were gracious hosts and for a man of his age, Roger can still swing quite a shovel.

Welcome Voters and Concerned Citizens

Since first being elected to the House in 2006, people from inside and outside my district alike have been telling me to make a presence on the internets. Like many of my conservative colleagues I was was weary of such foolishness. Then I met a man named Nate Peele who wanted to conduct an interview with me for his blog. I decided that this was exactly the kind of outreach that I needed to reach out to young voters in my district. Technology isn't always easy for a chicken farmer like me to figure out, but I hope this will be the beginning of something big.

For those of you who don't know me, I am the former CEO of Kimble Farms. If you haven't had one of our chickens in the yellow and blue packages you have probably been served a Kimble bird at one of the many fine restaurants who buy from us. We also sell beaks, slurry, and assorted waste products for industrial uses or to be used in chicken nuggets.

I am proud to say that my father built Kimble Farms from a small chicken shack to a multinational conglomerate through hard work. This is the same hard work that all Americans are called to today. I am living proof that the free enterprise system capitalist system works best for everybody from myself down to the migrant workers on my farms.

I have made education a priority. I am dismayed at the filfth that young children are seeing today. Gay marriage, socialism, evolution, foreign language study, and religious diversity are not the values that I was raised on and they are not the values that will see America into the next century. If we want to succeed we must do what we have always done best in this country and that is be Americans.