How the Jack O'Lantern Saved Christianity

 

My friends, I don't mind telling you that we find ourselves in a culture war.  The forces of radical atheism again threaten to rob this great country of the symbols of it's freedom and it's proud Christian heritage.   If these people have their way all traces of Halloween's Christian roots would be erased and all references to Jesus would be stricken from Halloween parades, store displays, and the hopeful mouths of trick or treating Christian children.    We must all stand together against this atheistic tyranny.

One of the stories, atheists don't want you to know is the story of the Jack O'Lantern.   In Ireland, Christians were persecuted for many centuries.  One of the reasons that St. Patrick was celebrated for driving the snakes from Ireland is because they used to feed Christian children to the snakes.   Christians were kept poor and not allowed to hold jobs.  Their possessions were simple, but their faith was mighty.

As the Irish traveled along the countryside at autumn harvest time looking for work picking crops, they were frequently met with signs that said Christians need not apply.   Even a non-Christian who hired a Christian to pick his crops faced persecution from the Irish King.   

The Irish  needed a subtle symbol to let others know that they welcomed Christians and that the light of Jesus shined within them.   They came up with the idea of taking a pumpkin and carving a smiling face on it.   They then placed a candle inside the pumpkin and placed it in the window.

The Irish named this pumpkin Jack of the Light or the Americanized version, "Jack O' Lantern".   Nowadays, pumpkins are carved into the most grotesque and hideous shapes imaginable and the original meaning of the Jack O'Lantern has been lost.   This Halloween if you carve a pumpkin with your children I hope you'll tell them the story of how the Jack O'Lantern saved Christianity in Ireland--one of the most Christian nations in the world today.

New Commercial for my Memoirs

The Speaker and The Ford House Five

[The following is an excerpt from my ebook Profiles in Courageousness: The Jack Kimble Story, which will be out for most electronic formats in the next few weeks.]

The Speaker and The Ford House Five - An Excerpt from Profiles in Courageousness: The Jack Kimble Story

Together the four of us made Ford House something special and even though Danny and Carlton have moved on and Tex, Bill, and I have grown older and a bit more mature, the days of the Ford House Five will always remain special to me.

The Ford House parties are legendary and nowhere is the spirit of bi-partisan cooperation more inherent than when you look into my office at 3 in the morning. You’ll find a Republican sprawled out on my couch, while a Democrat has put two chairs together, and another one has passed out on the floor. Meanwhile, I’m sleeping comfortably in my bed.. By the end of my first year in the House, my office had become party central, but unfortunately we had also gained a reputation.

I remember the first time Nancy Pelosi visited us in the office. We were setting up for a party celebrating the Preakness Stakes horse race from New York. The Preakness is the often overlooked third jewel of the Triple Crown and we thought that it definitely deserved its own party and we were going to give it one.

I was filling balloons with helium while Tex was making a Texas Tornado Everclear punch in the kitchen. Next to him was Bill who was making Jello shots, while Carlton had gotten on one of the wooden pole horses and was pretending to ride out the door of my office. When he opened the door he ran right smack into House Speaker Nancy Pelosi.

“Gentlemen,” said Speaker Pelosi, “Though I am using that word most loosely.”

“Hello Speaker Pelosi. It is great to see you today. Is this visit for business or perhaps for pleasure? You know how tense Congress has been lately. We thought we’d have a party for the Preakness.,” I said.

Unfortunately, the helium fumes I had been inhaling all afternoon made my mock sincerity completely transparent to the Speaker who studied me with a look of pure disdain.

“And will there be alcohol at this party?” she asked obviously noticing that our elder colleague was still riding his imaginary horse, but had at least slowed it down to a cantor.

“Oh I thought my guests might like some spirits to unwind after such a historic week. You know the legislature never really rests Madame Speaker,” I said. “It sure was great seeing you. You should come by again sometime when you have more time.”

“She brushed aside the older Congressman and his horse and slowly made her way across the room. Let’s be blunt gentlemen. I don’t like you,” she said calmly.

“We’ve always held you in the highest regard Speaker Pelosi,” said Bill coming to my defense.

“Don’t BS me Congressman. It doesn’t become you,” said Pelosi.

“It’s true Madame Speaker. Why just the other day, I was telling my dear sainted mother…” I started and just like that, she cut me off.

“Let’s get down to brass tacks gentlemen. Mister Kimble, you’ve been here for over a year. Now nobody would ever confuse you with Daniel Webster or even Sam Rayburn, but in that time your sole legislative output has been to honor six Boy Scout troops, four little league teams, and Jack Webb three times,” she said.

“I have some big plans that will just take a little while to get pulled together,” I stuttered.

“I’m no fan of your right wing agenda Congressman, but bloated, intoxicated, and uninformed is no way to spend a term in Congress,” she said.

“Hey Jack, do you think I could get in on that Jack Webb Highway thing,” interrupted Bill.

“Consider this a warning gentlemen. Clean up your act or I will censure and I’ll let you explain your family values to the voters back home,” she said as she stormed out of the room.

The Preakness party was a huge blow out. Between lobbyists and our staffers there were plenty of women and the Texas Tornado punch was a thing of genius. I’d like to think that Speaker Pelosi would have enjoyed herself if she would have just let her hair down for a moment. There were plenty of Democrats there too. It’s like that old song says, “Got my hands up, they’re playing my song. I know I’m gonna be OK. Yeah! It’s a party in the USA!”

Profiles in Courageousness: Juan Rangel

With the publication of my memoirs Profiles in Courageousness: The Jack Kimble Story in electronic format this month, it seemed prudent to  look at those courageous individuals who are making a real difference in the world today.  While my memoirs actually began as a Twilight fan fiction called 50 Shades of White, I believe that they provide a real inside view of politics and of my efforts through my own courageousness to change Washington.

Our first honoree is Chicago charter school magnate Juan Rangel who manages 13 Chicago charter schools as head of the United Neighborhood Organization or UNO.   Yesterday, Juan was out a big rally for more funding for charter schools, which a lot of people immediately attacked because that money would be taken from the city's neighborhood schools.  However, Rangel wasn't afraid to stand his ground even though with the $260,000 yearly salary he pays himself, he surely could have found more enjoyable ways to spend his time.  He declared war on public education and called for parents to join him in Springfield as he lobbies to bring parent trigger laws to Illinois.

UNO schools are most known for their spectacular fireworks displays, but you can't deny they have some amazing education opportunities available to students.  In fact their elementary schools rank between 407 and a whopping 99 out of 541 Chicago elementary schools on the state ISAT test.  UNO is a big undertaking that needs a lot of funding.  Their firework shows have seemed a little flat without the Blue Angels flying overhead and there are considerable administrative costs to removing low performing students in time for testing.  If we wait for all 160 Chicago Public Schools to get libraries before we dive UNO their money, they may have to reach into the $150 million dollars or so that they've gotten from the state in grants over the last two years.

The secret to UNO's success seems to be Juan Rangel himself.  He's a major adviser to Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel, but his real role is guiding the 13 UNO campuses.  Their secret is to discourage moral crushing dissent by whining teachers.  Without a union, Rangel is able to make the tough decisions like firing a gym teacher who whined about mock rape in the boys' locker room.  

They may not have the most successful students and they may be demanding that Chicago allow more charter schools at a time it is closing schools for underenrollment, but for standing strong and demanding more money despite his large salary, Juan Rangel is a profile in courageousness. 

Jack Kimble's Convention Speech on The War on Women

[Congressman Jack Kimble was originally supposed to give the following speech at the Republican National Convention during Monday afternoon. Due to weather concerns, the speech was given Monday evening at a Saint Pete Waffle House]

I am deeply honored to address the Republican National Convention and the Saint Pete's Waffle House waitstaff. I stand in the shadow of great conservative culture warriors who have come here before me, but none of them could have had more pride than mine in representing the gallant American fighting man engaged in the war on women today. These men are sensitive to their mission and as we have seen unbeatable in carrying out that mission.

We are fighting to build a strong male-centric nation while women organized, directed, and supported from without attempt to engulf it. This is an unprecedented challenge for our nation, but it is one that will confront any nation that is marked as a target of sheet unbridled feminism.

Our enemy's commanders are skilled professionals and their troops are indoctrinated, well-trained, aggressive, and under tight control. For months we have been successful in destroying a number of civil rights. We will continue to seek out the enemy, catch her off guard, and punish her at every opportunity.

It is evident to me that the enemy believes our resolve is our Achilles' heel. Your continued support is key to our success. Even though large tracts of the Northeast and many blue states have fallen or may fall into the grip of the feminists and all the odious apparatus of female rule, we shall not flag or fail.

We shall go on to the end, we shall fight in the legislatures,
we shall fight in the kitchens and bedrooms,
we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our gender, whatever the cost may be,
we shall fight in the courts,
we shall fight in Planned Parenthood,
we shall fight in the clinics and in the doctor's offices,
we shall fight in the uteri,
we shall never surrender, and even if, which I do not for a moment believe, this party or a large part of it were subjugated and removed from office, then our PACs, armed with untold millions from anonymous patriots, would carry on the struggle, until, in God’s good time, the one percent, with all its power and might, steps forth to the rescue and the liberation of man and of mankind.
Thank you and please tip your waitstaff.

Mindy's Law Helps Women Find Love After Sexual Assault

"One of the things that’s troubling is that people see a Natalie Portman or some other Hollywood starlet who boasts of, ‘Hey look, you know, we’re having children, we’re not married, but we’re having these children, and they’re doing just fine. But there aren’t really a lot of single moms out there who are making millions of dollars every year for being in a movie. And I think it gives a distorted image that yes, not everybody hires nannies, and caretakers and nurses. Most single moms are very poor, uneducated, can’t get a job and if it weren’t for government assistance, their kids would be starving to death and never have health care. And that’s the story that we’re not seeing, and it’s unfortunate that we glorify and glamorize the idea of out of children wedlock.”
--Mike Huckabee

"And so I know it happens, and yet even from those horrible, horrible tragedies of rape, which are inexcusable and indefensible, life has come and sometimes, you know, those people are able to do extraordinary things...you don't punish the child for the crimes of the parent."
---Mike Huckabee

I am pleased to announce that I will be sponsoring Mindy's Law (HB1149) in the House of Representatives in an effort to address two terrible situations we currently face in this country. Every 2 minutes, someone in the United States is sexually assaulted and those victims are overwhelmingly women. Unfortunately, some of those women will get pregnant. It is imperative that we protect these children and encourage women to keep those children.

Unfortunately, as things stand now, most women who keep their babies will have the stigma of being a single mother. We know this is not the best environment for a child and many women are so scarred by the sexual assault that they won't even consider the rapist as a potential spouse and father for the child.

Mindy's Law will create a video service that will enable the victims of sexual assault to reconnect with the perpetrators who victimized them. In a stress free environment, perhaps a love connection can be sparked or at least couples may decide to stay together for the sake of the child. Successful video visitations could lead to eventual face to face conversation and even conjugal visits.

Women who have been through the trauma of rape and then of bringing a child of that rape to term have been traumatized. There is no reason to punish them further by denying them contact with the father of their child. I join with Mike Huckabee in standing up for these women and I am prepared to fight for them with Mindy's Law.

My Time at Bain

I was not one of the original investors of Bain Financial when it was founded in 1984. In fact, that year I was still an undergrad at Notre Dame. However, I did well enough for myself and the company that when Mitt Romney left the company in 2002, he retroactively made me CEO beginning in 1999.

What people forget is just what a different time those heady days were. America was attacked. At that time, we were worried that al-Qaeda could attack anywhere at anytime. In fact, one of our greatest fears was that they would target a large mall in the middle of the heartland. That was exactly the type of place where many of our investments like Sealy and Burlington Coat Factory were located.

It soon occurred to me that the best chance we had to protect our businesses from terrorists were to move them out of this country to safety. We took the same approach in moving our money overseas as well because we knew that in doing so, we were denying al-Qaeda and other terrorist organizations access to vital funding.

Mitt Romney was not involved in much of the daily operations of Bain Capital. In fact, when I told him of the jobs I had outsourced during his absence, her looked at me shocked. His only response was to begin saying, "My country tis of thee, sweet land of liberty. Of thee I sing." As I tried to explain myself, he simply recited the lyrics of one patriotic song after another and I really couldn't get him to focus on our conversation. When I finally asked him if everything was OK he simply looked at me and in his commanding almost robotic way said, "So I put my hands up, they're playin' my song, the butterflies fly away. I'm noddin' my head like Yeah! Movin' my hips like Yeah! Got my hands up, they're playin' my song And now I'm gonna be okay Yeah! It's a party in the USA! Yeah! It's a party in the USA!"

In the end, I was proud of my time with Bain. It was I who replaced the plumbing in the executive washroom with the tears of small orphans and I made a lot of companies leaner, stronger, and gave them workers with cool accents. I helped protect American investments at a very tough time in our country's history.