Friday, December 31, 2010

Happy New Year from Congressman Kimble

As we all gather round and sing Old Lane Sign, it is prudent for us to remember just what we accomplished in 2010 and to look forward to all that we will do in 2011. It has been a great year for us as a country. Together, we finally put a check on President Obama and the Democrats and I have no doubt that prosperity just around the corner.

Disaster was barely avoided at the 12th hour when it looked like the Bush tax cuts would expire, depriving many wealthy Americans of their hard earned cash. The Obama administration continues to run up a huge debt. I don't have any idea how they spend money so fast.

On a personal note, things on the home front have greatly improved for me. My relationship with my wife has fully recovered from the incident of AIPAC 2009 and if anything it's stronger than ever since she began taking separate vacations to hike the Appalachian Trail. She always comes back from her me time refreshed like a whole new person.

I have joined the Board of Directions of Last Stand for Children First, to try and get billionaires voices heard in the struggle to reform our schools. After they have reformed education, I hope we can move on to the police department. It really seems to me that when Congress is in session, Congressmen should get sirens.

I had a feud with Jonathan Capehart in September as the result of a misunderstanding on Twitter, but I think we've agreed to put it behind us and move on. All and all, it's been a great year for most all Americans and 2011 promises to be better still.

Friday, December 24, 2010

A Christmas Treat from Congressman Kimble and Nate Peele

I made this video with Nate Peele of He's a great guy and was hugely important in my campaign. Sadly, he neglected his own blog to get his up and running:

Come they told me pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
A new-born king to see pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
Our finest gifts we bring pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
Rum-pum-pum-pum, rum-pum-pum-pum

Come they told me pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
A new-born king to see pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
Our finest gifts we bring pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
to lay before the king pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
Rum-pum-pum-pum, rum-pum-pum-pum
so to honour him pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
when we come

Little baby pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
I stood beside him there pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
I played my drum for him pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
I played my best for him pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
Rum-pum-pum-pum, rum-pum-pum-pum
And he smiled at me pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
me and my drum

Merry Christmas from the GOP
2 Years from now, you know we'll see
See the election of Sarah Palin
See the day, when men of good means
Pay less tax, pay less tax again

2012, can it be
Everyone must be made aware
That the rich do more than their share
Do so much for their fellow man
Let's cut all their taxes we can

I pray my wish will come true
For Boehner and McConnell too
We'll see President Palin
See the day when men of good means
Pay less tax, Pay less tax again

2012, can it be

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Jack Kimble's Christmas Message

No matter how much is going on in the world around us, the holiday season offers us a chance to pause, give thanks for our good fortune, and spend time with our friends and families. This is truly what the season should be about.
Every year, Kerry, and I find ourselves thinking about our men and women in uniform. This will be the last year that our military will be able to celebrate a wholesome family oriented 100% straight Christmas, but we know it is still so hard for so many our brave men and women to be away from home. If you are a Christian in a Muslim country this Christmas, it is a great time to proselytize and expose them to your Christian faith.
This year, we're also particularly mindful that many in our state and in our country are celebrating the holidays under difficult economic circumstances. And I'm going to urge those of you without jobs to get up early in the morning December 26 and check out those want ads. No job is going to find you, you have to find the job. Pay extra attention that you are clean shaven and not slovenly looking or smelling of holiday spirits.
For now, though, I want to thank all of you for your support and friendship. And from the Kimbles to your family, Merry Christmas, and best wishes for a great new year. Four our Jewish friends who are celebrating Hanaka tomorrow or our African-American friends celebrating Kwanzaa, may you also have a joyous season and may the peace of Jesus Christ be upon us all.

Congressman Jack & Kerry Kimble

P.S. If you are wanting to send me a gift, please consider sending cash to my campaign fund. If you want to send John Boehner a gift, a cute poster satirizing Two and a Half Men and referring to him as John Crier is not a good idea.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

The Amalgamated Singers

It has been a most trying day. The repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell may have been heralded as a positive by 77% of the nation, but the other 33% of us are not the least bit happy. Fortunately, today I also got an amazing Christmas gift.

In the early 1960s, before I was born, my mother was in a band called The Amalgamated Singers. They released only one album called Office Romance and it is incredibly hard to find. I had heard it growing up, but owning a copy for myself has been an elusive quest to say the least. Today, I received a copy in the mail from a delightful young lobbyist who knew how much I wanted a copy of my mother's own record.

The Amalgamated Singers were formed in 1960 by my mother and 4 other musicians who believed that folk musicians of the time focused too much on blue collar issues and liberal social causes. Their music attempted to give the other side of things. Songs like The Mine Owner's Lament, Tax Bracket Blues, and How We Broke the Strike of '92 gave encouragement to white collar workers and professionals. They were the only folk group to sing about the need for a strong nuclear deterrent against Soviet expansion.

Sadly, like a shooting star they were gone too fast. They broke up by 1962 and my mom had my older brother and quit performing, but hearing her voice on The Mine Owner's Lament was a treat today as she bemoaned the difficulties of finding miners to replace those dead in a collapse.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Jack Kimble's Message to Freshmen Congressmen

As GOP Pledge Chair, I feel very fortunate that I am not only given an opportunity to help our Congressmen bond, but also to help them understand some of the complex decisions that we must make as legislators if we're to keep to our legislative strategy this Congress. I made this short two minute video to brief them on a myriad of Republican positions.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Congressman Jack Kimble Issues Statement on Turkey Drop Calamity

I am saddened to be issuing a statement like this on what should be a joyous day or at least the day before a joyous day. Today at noon, we attempted to give away 20 live turkeys at the Oakdale Shopping Center to the great people of the 54th District. Unfortunately, it was unknown to myself and to my staff that it common practice at turkey farms to clip the wings of the birds. The damage was both severe and unavoidable.

Shortly after noon, the first turkeys were dropped from our helicopter. The first turkey went through the windshield of a 2001 Ford Focus Hatchback. The turkeys hit the ground like bags of wet cement, which not only caused destruction, but incited a panic in the crowd. 4 people were injured including twelve-year-old Jerry Bell of Heritage Valley who suffered a broken clavicle and concussion when struck with one of the birds.

After the first 12 birds fell, and seeing the devastation below, I ordered the helicopter to land so that I could assess the damage. Seeing a very upset and anxious crowd, I tried to make things better by placing the 8 remaining turkeys on the ground next to the helicopter, but was astounded to see the turkeys acting with an intelligence and coordination that I would not have thought possible. The turkeys began to peck and to claw the nearby attendees and we were forced to take the helicopter back to the air in order to avoid them ourselves. Several of the injuries were the result of people trying to hang onto the helicopter as we ascended. There simply was not enough room to take everybody with us.

Contrary to rumors, there were no fatalities at the event and most who came had a great time. We take full responsibility for the damage to property and the injuries suffered by people attending the event. Before Operation Christmas Ham, we will be reviewing all safety procedures and making sure that the problems of today are not repeated in the future. I wish everybody a Happy Thanksgiving tomorrow, whether you are at home with family or recuperating from injuries at the hospital.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Thanksgiving Turkey Drop

It's going to be a difficult Thanksgiving for a lot of people this year. The Obama economy has us all on edge, the liberal atheist agenda to turn Thanksgiving into a godless "Turkey Day" continues, and even traveling for Thanksgiving has become an arduous process. That's why I am delighted to announce that my office will be doing our First Annual Turkey Drop on Wednesday November 24th at the Oakdale Shopping Center at noon.

Thanksgiving has always been a very important holiday to me. After conquering a Trans-Atlantic voyage, a harsh winter, savage Indians, and French colonists, the Pilgrims had a celebration to give thanks to the Lord who had given them so much. They even shared their blessings with the local Indians in the spirit of true American hospitality.

We will be providing 20 farm raised turkeys, which will be dropped from helicopter to the parking lot where lucky attendees can try to grab the turkeys as they fly down to the ground below.

This is my way of helping those of you who are in need this holiday season, but obviously not everybody can win a turkey. However, we're going to have to have all sorts of fun and activities for the whole family including a speech on economic policy by myself. Come on out for a fun filled afternoon, and walk away with your own Thanksgiving turkey.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Jack Kimble Named GOP Pledge Chairman as Orientation Begins

In a highly anticipated move, House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) named 4 term Representative Jack Kimble (R-CA) as the GOP pledge chairman for the 113th Congress. Having handled pledge chairman duties to the large freshman class of 2010, the smaller 2012 class should be no problem for the California conservative.   It will be up to Congressman Kimble and Speaker Boehner to help keep the new Representatives in line and united.

"A lot of times, people look at pledging as a time of heavy binge drinking while being quizzed on Atlas Shrugs, but the truth is, it's also a time where Representatives bond together. If we're to come together as one party, those nights spent out on the lawn in your boxer shorts with your face painted Republican red are important," said Kimble who will be responsible for hazing and educating both the men and the women this time around with Congresswomen Jean Schmid leaving Congress.

"People were shocked at our unity in the last Congress," said Kimble,  "It takes a lot of willpower to keep saying no and that's something, I'm happy to say, that we practiced."

The tradition of pledging new freshmen goes back over 100 years, but really came to the fore under former House Speaker Dennis Hastert who is said to have wrestled every single member elected to Congress for the first time during his tenure. Under Speaker Pelosi, the tradition waned a bit, but Congressman Kimble is aiming to make this a pledge class to remember.

"I felt a bit disappointed that I missed out on Hastert, but there are some old traditions that we have to follow. I've had my staff calling liquor stores, thrift shops, and petting zoos to get everything we need together. A lot of what we do is secret to outsiders, but if you watch C-Span don't be surprised to see a Congressman dressed at Hulk Hogan or Little Bo Peep or a group of freshmen addressing the floor and then singing a Rick Astley song. It'll be a lot of fun for us."

Introducing Kimble as Rush Chairman during a dinner in Statuary Hall in the Capitol, Boehner said that 2012 is "going to require the effort of every Congressman to stay united.  It's one thing to say no to Hurricane Sandy relief, but who knows what natural disasters might come down the pike.  I have the utmost confidence in Congressman Kimble to do the job."

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Jack Kimble Victory Speech Transcript

[Jack Kimble has been projected the winner of the 54th District Election with a 71% - 27% lead with 3% of the precincts reporting]

Thank you! We did it! [Applause]

Yes! Thank you! I will try and speak loudly. I'm happy that we have our results early enough for many of you to get home and in bed before 9PM. My first message is to my Democrat colleagues. [Boos]

No, please. Let me speak [Applause]

I came to Washington, and didn't know what to expect. I saw a lot of people hating me, and didn't no what to feel about that, so I guess I didn't like you none too much either. During this campaign I saw a lot of you changing, the way you felt about me, and the way I felt about you. This election there were two guys killing each other, but I guess that's better than 20 million, so I guess what I’m trying to say is that if I can change, and you can change maybe we can both change. [Applause]

This night wouldn't have been possible without the love and support of my wife Kerry who is been my guiding light this past year. It's no secret that this hasn't been an easy year for us, but she stood with me. [Applause]

To the voters who came out and voted, I couldn't have done it without you. I will continue my fight in Washington and we will get that fluoride removed from the drinking water and we will remove all that cumbersome regulation that drives up the price of baby formula. We will balance the budget and we will due it while cutting taxes. The era of the free ride is over. Unemployment insurance was supposed to be a safety net for working Americans, not a free ride for the jobless. We will be ending this. [Applause]

For my father, who has always been my greatest financial supporter, I have nothing but immense gratitude for what you have given me. For Jin, Wu, and my new financial backers we welcome your support and look forward to closer ties between our two countries [Applause]

To Dan Fagen, you ran a great race. I admired your decision to donate a kidney a mere 3 hours before our second debate, but remember donating a kidney is elective surgery. I apologize for the audits that I called for on the battered women's shelter. [Applause]

Goodnight America!! Stay Free!!

Monday, November 1, 2010

Congressman Kimble Urges You to Get Out the Vote if You Can

One of the most important institutions in this country is the right to vote. It's the way for ordinary citizens to have a great impact on the course of the most powerful nation on this planet. There is nothing more important to the survival of the Republic than people making their voices heard...ordinarily anyway.

This time around, we're at the turning point. Today Gallup released a poll that showed on the generic ballot, Republicans were ahead of the Democrats by 15 percentage points. Now, the good news is that a point in the Gallup poll is equal to a 10 seat pickup in the House of Representatives. This means that after tomorrow we will go from 255-178 Democrats to 328-105 Republicans. This means that we will have a big enough gap to overturn vetoes and even more importantly I will have 150 vacated offices to potentially choose from.

So please get out the vote if you can. When I realized the huge margin of victory we were heading for, I was kind of hoping to sleep in late, but as a politician running for a seat, the press wants to film me voting. Do your best to get out to the polls and vote tomorrow, but even if you can't be sure to tune in and watch the victory. If low voter turnout knocks us down to 145 or even 140 seats picked up, it'll still be amazing.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

New Final Push Campaign Commercial

With time running out, we launched our final English language commercial, urging everybody to get out there and vote Kimble. Following the lies of our opponent's latest ad, we felt it was time to get our message out.

What a bunch of lies and half-truths. I think it just shows the desperation in Dan Fagen's campaign.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Congressman Kimble Suspends Robocalling Activity

I have suspended all use of my office's robocall machines following the events of the last four days and I wish to offer my most sincere and humble apologies to the residents of the 54th district. On Wednesday night we accidentally set our new robocall machine to make calls between 3AM and 6AM rather than 3-6PM. That mistake was followed up early Friday morning at the same hours when a recording intended for my wife with a grocery list was sent out.

Those were technical glitches. The drunk robocalling that I did at 2AM this morning was inexcusable. I see that my opponent wasted no time putting it up on Youtube so I am playing it here in its entirety as well. I admit that I was drunk, but I did not drive. Furthermore, you can see that it was my love of my district that I was calling to express. If I am guilty of anything, perhaps it is loving the 54th District too much.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Congressman Kimble's Comments to Knights of Columbus

This evening was the annual Columbus Day Dinner for the Knights of Columbus Council 11347 at Haney's Crossing. The Knights provide a valuable service to the community and demonstrate the moral backbone that the 54th District is known for. Tonight Congressman Kimble addressed the Knights at their Knights Hall.

Father Daley, Knights, and family members, I am honored to be here speaking tonight before such a respected and well known organization. I will keep my comments brief, but I thought it most appropriate today to talk about Christopher Columbus.

Way back in 1492, there was no cable, no video games, no Ipods. What people used to get through their day was faith. It was this faith that lead Christopher Columbus to discover America so that we might all worship God as we saw fit. Columbus was a great hero, but I wonder what he'd say if he was alive today.

Would Columbus recognize America today. How would he react to seeing a country he worked so hard to discover becoming completely overrun with illegal aliens? What would he feel about Americans having to learn Spanish just to be able to communicate? If Columbus knew these things would he even bother to sail across the Ocean to come here?

In the name of Columbus, we must take back our country. We can begin doing it in November by voting for politicians who have zero tolerance for the tide of illegal immigration that threatens us so. Let's return this country to the way it should be. Let's make this country one that Christopher Columbus would recognize. Thank you.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Soviet Press Targets Congressman Kimble

In yet another sign of President Obama's failing foreign policy, Congressman Jack Kimble has been attacked by the Russian media as a tool of the decadent capitalist Western society. The website has been running a post on their website for the past 3 weeks that refers to Congressman Kimble as "an enemy of the proletariat" and "a tool of the military industrial complex determined to increase American power and global hegemony."

It had been hoped that the Soviets had abandoned their attacks on the West after Ronald Reagan and George Bush Sr. had won the Cold War. Evidently, this is a sign of increasing strained relations that must be seen for the grave matter it is. Congressman Kimble is demanding that the State Department look into this matter and take whatever actions it deems necessary including sanctions against Russia.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Kimble Wins Second Debate

A FOX-15 poll, showed that Congressman Kimble clearly won tonight's debate 52% to 48% despite obvious sympathy for the challenger's medical situation.

Dirk Thunderstone: Hello, I'm Dirk Thunderstone of FOX-15. Welcome to a special U.S. Congressional debate co-presented by public radio station 89.3 KWOT. Joining me to ask questions is Steve Larmer. He is a news editor at KWOT and host of his own weekly political show. Thanks for being here.

Steve Larmer: Hello.

Thunderstone: And of course, we have our candidates: the incumbent Republican Representative Jack Kimble, seeking his third term. Senator, thank you for being here.

Jack Kimble: Thank you, Dirk.

Thunderstone: And his challenger is the Democrat Daniel Fagen, who I must add is here against doctor's wishes after donating a kidney earlier this afternoon. Mister Fagen is joining us from St. Kilian's Hospital where his is under close observation and heavily medicated. Are you feeling up to this Dan?

Daniel Fagen: I'm on the road to recovery Dirk. I am very strong pain medication right now and I'm feeling a bit groggy and a little gas pain and bloating. I have a catheter draining urine from my bladder to a collecting bag in order to measure my remaining kidney’s urine output. I'm ready to debate though.

Thunderstone: So, Congressman Kimble has opted to take the first question in our debate. The second question will go to Daniel Fagen.

Daniel Fagen: Oh good....Ah....ooh

Larmer: Mister Kimble, on the economy and jobs, you are a big advocate of cutting government regulation of business. Can you give us some examples of regulations that you think should be reduced, or eliminated? Would you include any regulations designed to protect the environment, worker safety or product quality?

Kimble: Well certainly there are many reasons for a rational regulatory policy. But unfortunately we see too many cases where regulations have run amok, and they are costing us jobs. Let us look at coal mining.

For years, coal mining has created jobless for millions of Americans regardless of hygene or dental health. From the Appalachian Mountains to the great Magnesium mines of our district, miners have gone into the ground to fuel our economy knowing that their life would be tough, but at the same time that the desire to get away from their backwards lifestyle would drive one of their children to the NFL.

Now, mining has been regulated to the point where all the adventure has been taken out in the name of safety. Companies find their hands tied by regulations. You know the Chinese aren't concerned with such niceties. Their word for mining disaster is the same as their word for opportunity.

Larmer: Excuse me for the–

Kimble: The same word as opportunity

Larmer: Excuse me for the interruption, but are you saying that our mines are too safe?

Kimble: Yes I am. I'm using this example to say that when we have something like the Endangered Species Act, is just one example, of course we need to protect our endangered species. But many of them are really good eating. We should focus more of our attention on animals that aren't very tasty.

Thunderstone: Sir, here, I do want to ask you a tax question, I'm sure we'll get into that. In 2006, at the Ponds Institute, you said that an Internet tax was probably unrealistic not to tax it forever and ever. How would you institute an Internet tax, and when would it begin?

Kimble: Well, I have never been in favor of an Internet tax. I said it's a bad idea.

Thunderstone: But you said it's inevitable.

Kimble: What I said was, in the year 2006, you must remember that in the year 2006, at that time, sort of at the height of the dot-com boom, the concern that many Republicans, as well as Democrats had – it turned out to be an unfounded concern – was that brick-and-mortar businesses were going out of business and that everything was going to go onto the Internet, and so there was a concern that tax revenue would plummet.

It turned out to be an unfounded concern. I was working on a bipartisan basis to try and find the right answer, and what I said at the time was that the only way we should ever consider taxing the Internet, something I oppose, was to first overhaul the entire tax system. Those were very different times.

Thunderstone: All right.

Kimble: You know if I can quote Bobby Knight, "I think that if rape is inevitable, relax and enjoy it."

Thunderstone: Good Lord...Uhm thank you Congressman,

Larmer: Mister Fagen, also on the economy, some liberal economists are saying that the economy is so weak that we need another large-scale government stimulus package. Do you agree with them? And if so, why this package wasn't enough.

Fagen: Very good question. I would answer it this way. When President Obama took over and the Democrats joined him in the Congress, they were facing a bleeding of 700,000 jobs a month. They were facing a situation where credit was frozen, and so they stepped forward and over Congressman Kimble's objections they did pass– they took a number of actions.

They did pass a stimulus and I believe it saved us from a Great Depression, but in trying to reach out to the Republicans, Congress made it too small. I would like to see a targeted stimulus package. People are suffering. From 99ers who are cut off from unemployment benefits to...

Larmer: Mister Fagen, excuse me for the interruption–

Fagen: Yes. Yes, certainly.

Larmer: But, after those two years of a Democrat in the White House administration, we are saddled with a federal deficit around $1.3 trillion. What will you do as a member of this Senate to shrink this deficit?

Fagen: Yes. That is what was inherited from George Bush. He took a Clinton surplus and 23 million jobs created and we were handed that $1.3 trillion deficit, and I do have many ideas, but you can't fight two wars cut taxes on the wealthiest Americans, and do Medicare Part D at the same time and not create a huge deficit.

You’ve got to cut out the wasteful spending. We've got to end the two wars. That will be a trillion dollars over the next 10 years. You've got to recover money from contractors who are ripping us off, like Halliburton overcharged $200 million for fuel for our troops in Iraq. So we can gain about a trillion on that.

Thunderstone: A trillion dollars. Yes, that'll help to pay down this deficit. But the ongoing concerns are about what problems must be cut or scaled back in order to meet these deficit concerns. Apart from what you’re talking about, where are these cuts to be made?

Fagen: The war will be a trillion dollars; collecting from people who are ripping off the government and other uncollected payments to the government is another trillion dollars. Stopping tax breaks to the millionaires, and the billionaires, tax breaks that my opponent supports – that’s almost another trillion. So you go on and on. We should end tax breaks to companies who ship jobs overseas.

Larmer(crosstalk): Would you cut federal spending, senator?

Fagen (crosstalk): Tax breaks that– yes.

Larmer: Would you cut federal spending, would you freeze the pay of civilian government workers? Those are ideas from Congressman Kimble

Fagen: Yes. I’ve seen his budget recommendations – they're a disaster for California. They would cause draconian cuts in Social Security and Medicare, and that's not from me, it's form the Center on Budget Priorities. He said he actually wants to fine the unemployed. If they're unemployed how are they going to get the [Fart]....I'm sorry I'm still very gassy from the operation.

Thunderstone (crosstalk): All right. Let's– Senator, let me go to Miss–

Fagen (crosstalk): So, we are very different on this, yes.

Thunderstone: Let me go to Congressman Kimble, then, and find out how different you are. Congressman Kimble you talk about extending the Bush tax cuts to everyone, also cutting the deficit. There have been analysts, including the Tax Policy Center, that said you cannot do both at the same time without virtually shutting down most of government. Where do you make those cuts to make both of those things happen?

Kimble: Well, let me respond to a couple things that Daniel Fagen said. First of all, with, I am not an apologist for the spending in the Bush years, but let us remember that our deficit has grown to $13 trillion in just the last two years. Obama never should have started counting the wars in the budget. Let us remember that, with regard to the stimulus, both Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh have said it was a failure, and since the stimulus bill passed. My opponent loves to talk about my record, but what about his record? Why as a Life Source pilot, do so many of the patients who fly with him die?

Thunderstone: Apart from his record, where is it that you would cut? Would you cut the military? Would you cut Social Security? Would you cut Medicare? Homeland Security has accounted for some of the biggest federal growth in the last 10 years.

Kimble: We need to keep Homeland Security strong. I believe al-qaeda is currently trying to infiltrate our retirement homes. This is not a time for being lax.

Where would I cut? First, let's recognize that the unemployed are a drain on our economy and start fining them. I also know that the greatest way to cut the economy is to lower taxes on the wealthy so I would reduce taxes on the top 33% of the country to 0.01% I would call on the federal government as well to only hire one person for every two that leave government service and I would ask that that person be Chinese. They are damn good workers.

Fagen: Oh I think I saw a butterfly

Thunderstone: Mister Fagen, please do not interrupt. You will have a chance to discuss your own opinions.

Fagen: The colors

Larmer: Oh my

Thunderstone: Congressman, thank you very much. It appears that Mr. Fagen is under the effects of his pain medication and we are going to wrap up the debate early. Would you like to make a closing statement.

Fagen: Weee! I farted again.

Kimble: Well thanks so much to all of you for this opportunity. I am sorry that the people of the 54th District were cheated because of Mister Fagen's condition. Donating a kidney, frankly is elective surgery.

You know, in my working life I started out in the olive fields, I was held accountable for my work by my boss who as my father was particularly tough on me. And when I became his vice-president after many, many weeks of hard work, I was held accountable by millions of customers, and thousands of employees.

I am the best chance this district has for fighting the Obama agenda and returning our country back to the way it was in the 19th century. Our farmers still don’t have water, our children aren’t getting educated well, our small businesses are being crushed. People can’t find a job. Our debt is spiraling out of control.

Do you really believe a teacher by day Life Source helicopter pilot by night who runs a string of shelters for abused women and children will stand up to Obama? I don't. We can get out economy going again, we can help small businesses begin hiring again, we can become the most innovative district in the most innovateve state and the most innovative nation in the world again, and we can change Washington and hold them accountable, but first we have to change the people we send to Washington except for me who should be sent back to Washington..

Thunderstone: Quickly, Congressman

Kimble: You got that I should be sent back to Washington, right?

Thunderstone: Yes, Mister Fagen are you up to making a closing statement?.

Fagen: One second [Fart] Ah, yes I am. I'm groggy and I'm sorry that I'm so gassy today. I am sure that the press's main story will be about what a mess I was tonight, but despite this nothing has come out of any of my of my orifice's as revolting as what has been spewed forth by Jack Kimble.

The Congressman isn't a bad guy, but he's clueless as to the needs of this district. He may currently be getting answers from one of the Super Mario Brothers or that may be my medication, but in either case those answers are wrong for the 54th District. I'm losing and I'm losing bad. If I had a fighting chance, I might have put off this operation, but I tell you this, we will rise up and the people of this district will be heard. I want Jello. Cherry or Lime please.

Thunderstone: Ms. Fagen, thank you very much. Hope you feel better. Congressman Kimble, it's been a pleasure. My thanks too to Steve Larmer. This special U.S. Senate debate presented by La Opinion and 89.3 KWOT in Groves Hill. Don't forget, Election Day is November 2. Beginning next week, you can request those vote-by-mail ballots. Either way, be sure to vote. I'm Dirk Thunderstone. On behalf of my colleague, Steve Larmer, and the candidates, Jack Kimble and Daniel Fagen, thank you all very much for listening.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Celebrate Banned Books Week 9/25 - 10/2

One of our most sacred rights as Americans is the right to ban that, which we find objectionable, immoral, or in some way harmful to our children and our communities. Many great patriots have given their all to protect our right to say, "No your ideas are harmful and we will not be subjected to them any longer."

Americans have used this cherished right in burning and in simply banning a wide variety of books for language, occult, anti-Americanism and a wide variety of sins. This week has been set aside to celebrate banning books and to thank those brave churches, school boards, politicians, and librarians who have looked out for their neighbors by banning the objectionable.

As Americans we all must step forward to ban that, which we do not want to tolerate in our schools or communities. Let your voice be heard by being vocal in your community. Join your city council or library board and set the standards for your own town.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Kimble's Corner Store

I know that I am extremely fortunate to have a father that is willing to bankroll my campaigns. However, with the Bush tax cuts set to expire, he's let me know that I'm going to have to find other sources of campaign finance. I've talked to some really great lobbyists who have been happy to contribute, but I have to admit some of them want me to do things that even I find objectionable like allowing for the sale of shrimp caught in the BP spill as long as it's labeled "pre-marinated". By contributing to my campaign you will not only help lead the Republicans to victory, you will keep me from making deals with less than scrupulous lobbyists---this is a win/win proposition.

Stay Free America!!
Jack Kimble

Monday, September 20, 2010

Waiting for Superman at Brewster Park Cinema 14

Every once in a generation a film comes along that challenges you. I think Waiting for Superman is such a movie. I believe is our generation's Birth of a Nation. I'm encouraging all parents to see it as it helps to show parents just how kind and nurturing a corporate CEO like a Bill Gates or a Walton family can be while showing the greed of teachers and the unions that represent them. Waiting for Superman opens this Friday and if you bring in proof of a teacher failing you or your child in some way, you will receive a free child's size popcorn. I'll be there and happy to talk about my education policies.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Elections or Elective Surgery

Daniel Fagen claims to be a man of his word, but after agreeing to to a debate with Congressman Kimble, Fagen has ducked the event. The September 18th debate, which was designed to give voters a chance to be informed about the 54th District Congressional Candidates was to be sponsored by the Lions Club and the League of Women Voters.

Unfortunate, Mister Fagen has ducked the debate claiming that he would need to donate a kidney on the scheduled date. Any doctor can tell you that kidney transplants are only vital surgery for the recipient. For the person donating the kidney, it's elective surgery.

Who is Dan Fagen donating his kidney to? According to the Fagen campaign he will be giving his kidney to a single mother with 6 children who has been living at one of Fagen's shelters for battered women and children.

Do not allow Dan Fagen to duck his responsibility to the 54th District voters. Call his campaign headquarters and let him know that we demand answers. Why is he afraid to debate Jack Kimble? Is he ashamed of his own big government liberal policies? We want answers.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Kimble Fundraiser Doesn't Let Terrorists Win

Yesterday, over 100 guests made their way to the Tennessee Ernie Ford Museum adjacent to Heritage Ice Arena to attend a fundraiser for Jack Kimble's reelection campaign.

The big hits of the evening were the chocolate fountain pictured left, a rocking performance by America tribute band Ventura Highway and taped speeches from Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck recorded earlier in the day at their Alaska fund raiser.

As the band began playing the opening strains of Sister Golden Hair, Congressman Kimble took the stage and shared his 9/11 memories and recalling the courage of the first responders who will forever be remembered as American heroes. Kimble expressed his regret that many of those same first responders were now looking for health care handouts for injuries suffered at Ground Zero.

The night was a huge success taking in over $20,000 for the campaign without the proceeds from the cash bar. With a rather large wet section, the take could be over $30,000.

"It was a great day. Anytime Americans come together like this, the terrorists don't win. When Americans give of their hard earned money to support a strong family values campaign like mine, the lose badly. This is also great news for my father who will be on the hook for less of my campaign costs," said Congressman Kimble.

Oakdale Value Shopper Endorses Jack Kimble

We're very proud to have a great representative of the fourth estate endorsing our campaign. As we get further endorsements we will keep you informed.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Kimble Wins Debate vs. Fagen

[In a poll done shortly after the 9/4 debate between Congressman Jack Kimble and notorious businessman Daniel Fagen, results showed 54% of registered voters believed that Congressman Kimble either mostly won or kind of won the debate.]

ROGER HAWKE: Good evening from the Heritage Valley Ice Arena. I'm Roger Hawk of "Rancho Podrido This Week" on Cable Channel 19. Welcome to the first of two debate between Republican Congressman Jack Kimble and Oak Hill resident and Democratic nominee Dan Fagen.

The Kiwanis Club is the sponsor of this event and tonight's discussion will cover a wide range of topics, including domestic and foreign policy matters.

It will be divided roughly into three-minute segments. Each candidate will have 90 seconds to respond to a direct question and then his opponent will receive an additional minute for rebuttal and follow-up. The order has been determined by a coin toss.

The specific subjects and questions were chosen by me and have not been shared or cleared with anyone on the campaigns or on the commission. The audience here in the hall has promised to remain very polite, no cheers, applause, no untoward outbursts, except right at this minute now, as we welcome Congressman Kimble and Dan Fagen


FAGEN: Nice to meet you.

KIMBLE: It's a pleasure. Your suit is shiny.

FAGEN: Thank you

KIMBLE: Can I touch your suit?

HAWKE: Gentlemen, thank you for coming.

As we have determined by a coin toss, the first question will go to Dan Fagen with a 60-second follow-up from Congressman Kimble.

The economy is the most pressing issue for many California voters. Whether we're still in a recession or a so called jobless recovery, the status quo is not working for the working people of this state. How will you address the economy when elected?

KIMBLE: Let me begin by saying it's great to be here Roger and I love that tie.

I do take issue with the way you singled out the working people of California in your question. Many of my closest friends and family members are independently wealthy. They are suffering too as their investments decrease in value.

You know in 1980, Ronald Reagan invented an economic theory called supply side economics and he showed during his presidency that the best way to improve the economy was to put the hard working men and women of this country to work and the best way to do that is to cut the taxes on the rich.

You see in supply side or trickle down economics, when you allow the wealthy to keep more of their money and they use that money to tip very well--much higher than 15%. In that way, the prosperity that is given to the top income earners trickles down to the masses. That's what this country is built on. I not only favor extending the Bush tax cuts, I am in favor of doubling them. I believe we can afford to pay for them if we begin a program to fine those who choose not to do their fair share--the unemployed.

HAWKE: Thank you, Congressman. I apologize if my use of the term "working people" offended anybody.

Mister Fagen?

FAGEN: Thank you, Roger. And I thank the Kiwanis, also. I appreciate this privilege of being able to be here and speak with the 54th District and I have to say how am I losing to this guy?

The reason that this economy is suffering is because the middle class is an endangered species. CEOs and the wealthy of this country have been overcompensated for at least the past 10 years. It's the rest of us who are feeling the pinch. Only 7% of private employees are in labor unions and benefits keep getting cut. America has for generations been the land of opportunity where people could rise beyond their station. That's gone.

The first thing I want from Washington is an extension of unemployment benefits. There are no jobs out there, we're not fooling anybody. The second thing I want is a second targeted stimulus package like the first one we had before we started negotiating with Republicans who voted against it anyway after we made concessions. Will this increase the debt. Yes it will, but you do not cut your way out of a recession. Leaving our children a legacy of debt is tragic, but leaving them with a feudalistic corporate economy without a middle class is unconscionable.

HAWKE: Mister Fagen how, as congressman, would you work to shrink this gap of polarization which has sprung up in Washington, which you both have spoken about here tonight?

FAGEN: Well, I hate to say it, but that gap isn't going away anytime soon. Extremes and redistricting have eliminated your Lincoln Chaffey Republicans and your Sam Nunn Democrats.

I can tell you that the Republicans have made it their mission for the past two years to say no to the Democrats on everything from health care for 9/11 responders to helping small business. If they win again, they'll be emboldened and the congress will shut down for two years as we await the 2012 election. Our country can't afford this.

As your Congressman, I will work with anybody regardless of party to help the citizens of this great district, but I won't compromise our values just so I can say we got 2 Republican votes.

HAWKE: Congressman Kimble.

KIMBLE: I love corn dogs. Sometimes I'll deep them in sweet mustard, but I also really like them plain. I'm sure many of you were at the Heritage Valley Corn Dog Festival a few weeks back.

I think the corn dog is the most Republican food. You take something good like a hot dog. You make it better by deep frying it. Then you put it on a stick so you can eat it while you're walking around or working. That's why corn dogs sell so well in Republican places like here or Texas.

Now Democrats are more like funnel cake. You just plop it on a plate and toss some sugar on it. You might want some funnel cake after you have another corn dog, but wouldn't you really just have another corn dog?

HAWKE: You have another 30 seconds Congressman. Did you wish to expand on your answer?

KIMBLE: No. Well other than to say, I could really go for a corn dog.

HAWKE: How have your experiences before entering public service helped you to understand the people of the district you represent.

KIMBLE: I'm glad you asked that. As a businessman, I learned how to make the hard decisions and how to earn a full day's pay by doing a full day's work. I did a lot of things in business that were important and essential to making money and profit in a professional type manner and in doing so the value to taxpayers and employees of our company was maximized further more.

My opponent doesn't know what it's like to be a businessman behind blue ties. I know that their dreams are not as empty as their conscious seems to be.

FAGEN: If I may Roger, Baba O'Republican seems to be quoting Who lyrics now. The truth is that the only job he ever had was working for his dad. Unfortunately, when he finally struck out on his own in his 40s, he wound up as our responsibility as tax payers.

My experiences as a teacher as well as a life source pilot on weekends let me look at our educational and health care systems first hand. My work in the peace corps in Uganda taught me a lot about the crises in Africa. All my life has been about service to people and that's why despite coming from a humble background myself, the Daniel and Margaret Fagen Foundation, which I named after my beloved parents has donated over 4.5 million dollars to charity in the past year.

HAWKE: Mr. Fagen, you have the chance to make the first closing statement.

FAGEN: Thank you Roger. As you know, my wife and I operate several shelters for battered women. When you are on the front lines of personal crises it isn't always pretty. Sometimes these women go back to an abusive relationship no matter how much you try and stop them and no matter how much they think they're ready to move on.

I admit that these last two years in Washington haven't been everything I hoped they'd be, but America you were in an abusive relationship when the Republicans were in charge and they took your money, they took your self-respect, and in some cases they took your children in unnecessary war overseas. It might be tempting to be disillusioned and say a pox on both your houses, but I can tell you that if you let people like Congressman Kimble represent you for the next two years, it won't get better. It will get worse. Send me to Washington to serve you and I promise I'll spend my time trying to fix things and not trying to win political points.

HAWKE: Congressman Kimble, your closing remarks.

KIMBLE: Life is one big political primary for God. Let's pray that we all get the nomination. I wish we had more time to go over the issues tonight. We haven't even talked about whether President Obama is a Muslim or not.

I know there are a lot of senior citizens watching this debate so let me just say that Obama's agenda is terrifying. Not only will your medical decisions be made by death panels whose main interest will be in harvesting your organs, but Obama is working with Nancy Pelosi right now to pass a law making it illegal for grandchildren to visit their grandparents.

My opponent is great at fancy speechifying, but I know that the voters of the 54th District are far too sophisticated to fall for his lies and half truths. Together, we can take back America to a better time when people weren't so uppity and music wasn't so loud. Thank you.

HAWKE: That ends tonight's debate. We want to thank the folks here at the Heritage Valley Ice Arena, and the Kiwanis

Thank you, Congressman Kimble and Mister Fagen. Good night, everybody.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Premier of New Campaign Commercial

We stayed on the issues and went low key. The understated piano music was my idea after John Cougar Mellencamp's lawyers complained about us using Hurt So Good as a campaign song.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Voices of the 54th District - Ground Zero Mosque

The best thing about the Heritage Valley Corn Dog Festival is that I got to talk with so many great people from my district. One thing I asked them about was the attempt to President Obama and others to build a mosque at Ground Zero in New York. I was thrilled to see that while, people in the district were against the mosque, they weren't against Muslims. They realized that half the Muslims in this country are good people and only asked that no new Mosque be built in the same state as such a horrendous tragedy. Click on the picture below to see it full sized.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Congressman Kimble at Corn Dog Festival

Heritage Valley Corn Dog Festival is such an important part of our community, that I chose it to be the spot where I first announced I was running for the House of Representatives. As always, I will be there again to celebrate this little bit of Americana.

Main Stage

Friday, August 13

5PM - The Saint Augustine Players Present The Choice: A Jack Chick Musical
7PM - Let it Ride (Bachman Turner Overdrive Cover Band)
9PM - Corn Dog Queen Pageant

Saturday, August 14

4PM - Balloon Animals with The Amazing Bill
6PM - Corn Dog and Pie judging
7PM - Ventura Highway (America Cover Band)
9PM - Fireworks Show

Sunday, August 15

11 AM - Corn Dog Mass with Father Jeremy
Noon - Corn Dog Eating Contest
1 PM - Comedy by Jeremy and Steven
3PM - Adrian Schleicter is Englebert Humperdink

In addition to the action on the main stage, there will be a number of attractions for the whole family from face painting to a minstrel show. There are some conservative organizations that I am no stranger too. You may find him chomping down on some delicious fetus cookies at the Right to Life Booth or sampling some anti-wedding cake at the Defense of Marriage Booth. The National Rifle Association and Robert Baird society are here to tell you of a vast conspiracy to take away your guns and turn this country communist respectively. Look for the Heritage Valley Minutemen to stage another illegal alien roundup for the kids. It's fun for the whole family. I hope to see you there.

Congressman Jack Kimble

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Congressman Kimble and Senator Graham Fight Against "Anchor Babies"

South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham and California Congressman Jack Kimble have announced that they are considering a Constitutional Amendment to repeal the 14th amendment. The 14th Amendment grants citizenship to all children born in the United States.

The problem is that these babies are often born to illegal immigrants serving as an anchor to allow the family to become legal immigrants themselves. The 14th amendment which allows birthright citizen was passed during the second half of the 19th century at a time when there was not much immigration in the United States. Now that our borders are practically exploding with immigrants, it's time to stop this antiquated practice.

"I may introduce a constitutional amendment that changes the rules if you have a child here,” Graham said during an interview with Fox News’ Greta Van Susteren. “Birthright citizenship I think is a mistake ... We should change our Constitution and say if you come here illegally and you have a child, that child's automatically not a citizen.”

Asked how intent Graham is on introducing the amendment, the South Carolina Republican responded: “I got to.”

"Talking with Senator Graham has convinced me that a Constitutional Amendment is the way to go," responded Congressman Kimble, "I think we need to go in that direction, but the process is rather slow moving and we need to take emergency action now."

When asked what those emergency actions should be, Kimble responded, "Abortion is not an answer and as a Catholic I don't believe in artificial contraception either. The only way to make sure that immigrants do not have children in this country as 3/4 of the states vote on the convention is to not allow sexually active women or women who have had sex within the past 9 months into the country."

Kimble went on to say, "I am perfectly willing to accept the honor system. I do not think we have to only allow women who are virgins or past child bearing age into the country, but that is certainly one way we could go."

“I'm a practical guy, but when you go forward, I don't want 20 million more 20 years from now,” said Graham. “I want to be fair. I want to be humane. We need immigration policy, but it should be on our terms, not someone else's. I don't know how to fix it all. But I do know what makes people mad, that 12 million people came here, and there seems to be no system to deal with stopping 20 million 20 years from now.”

"Immigration is a threat that previous generations of Americans didn't have to worry about. I believe in following the original intent of the Constitution, but I don't think we can always support the Constitution when it stands in the way of our freedom," concluded Kimble.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Obama Recession Calls for Belt Tightening

Last week, a surrender was announced. Many unemployed surrendered to the federal government and accepted a handout in the form of extended unemployment benefits. As a fiscal conservative who believes in limited government, I would like to request that instead of taking money from the government, that Americans begin to look at ways they can tighten their belt.

Yes, as a congressman I'm very well compensated for my work and before that I was even better compensated working for my father. When I'm done in congress I will go to K Street where I will be paid even more handsomely as a lobbyist. However, I wasn't always wealthy. When I began work for my father, I did not start at the top.

I remember that Fall when I brought home plane tickets for a vacation to Aspen, how my wife burst into tears. She had had her heart set on Paris and here we would be flying coach to Colorado in the offseason. Fortunately, we were able to upgrade our seats using frequent flier miles and looking back on it, those six weeks in Aspen were some of the happiest of our marriage.

That year we cut corners every way we could. We drank domestic champagne. If we ate lobster, you can be sure it was Canadian and not Maine. We even got by with a once a week cleaning lady instead of a maid.

The point is, if you relax your expectations and your standard of living, the world won't end. If things do rebound for you, you'll appreciate all those things you gave up when you can afford them again. Above all, remember it costs no money to pray or to spend some quality family time together huddling for warmth. If we all do our part, I have no doubt we can keep the Bush tax cuts without leaving future generations saddled with debt.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Voices of the 54th District - Unemployment

If you live in the 54th District you've seen our newest mailing. I'm very happy with this idea. Instead of giving you my opinions on the issues of the day, Voices of the 54th District lets me see what district voters think. This isn't stacked, we may even get a Democrat or two. However, I think it's important that if I am casting votes for you in Washington, I see what you're thinking on Main Street.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Congressman Kimble Addresses the Pacific Coast Petroleum Institute

[A speech by Congressman Jack Kimble to the Pacific Coast Petroleum Institute]

My friends, this is not an easy time for any of us. A cataclysm of unspeakable proportions threatens the Gulf of Mexico. Thousands of barrels of oil have spilled into the Gulf and every five days an Exxon Valdez worth of oil spills into the Gulf. The damage is immeasurable and the full impact of this disaster will not be seen for years to come.

It is natural that at this time of crisis our prayers and our sympathies go out to the BP shareholders and board of directors. I see the suffering on the faces of my friends who lobby for them, in the stock ticker, and I want to help in anyway that I can. However, even as a member of the U.S. House of Representatives there is very little I can do to alleviate their suffering.

I am reminded of President Reagan after the Challenger disaster when he said, “Nothing ends here; our hopes and our journeys continue.”

Those words are truer now that ever. We choose to drill for oil offshore not because it is easy, but because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone by using renewable energy, and because as Americans we know we look stupid in small electric cars. As Americans it is our God given right to explore this great country from sea to shining sea and to do so at 14 miles per gallon.

Already, the forces of big government want to use this tragedy as an excuse to apply big government solutions to cleaning up this spill and putting in so called “common sense” regulations into place. Do not be fooled. I heard Rush Limbaugh earlier today and he makes an excellent point, "The ocean will take care of this on its own if it was left alone and left out there," Limbaugh said. "It's natural. It's as natural as the ocean water is."

We know that eventually the oil will simple mix into the waters of the ocean and be so diluted by the huge quantities of water to be harmless, but unfortunately the damage will already be done. Oil prices may be reaching $100 a barrel by mid-Summer and as Americans we cannot accept this.

I am calling on President Obama to work with Republicans in Congress to look for new places where we can drill. We should not rest until every usable drop of oil is extracted from the Earth for it is the lifeblood of our economy. This is a time where we can make no small plans. This is a time for action. This is a time for America to again stand tall. This is a time to drill, baby drill.

Congressman Kimble on Terrance Howard Incident

This Saturday was the White House Correspondents Dinner and unfortunately I was the victim of some very scandalous gossip involving an incident between myself and Terrence Howard. It was a very awkward evening for me because of the presence of Helen Thomas and I always hate running into exes at public events. Mr. Howard, who is a very gifted African-American actor, was seating at the Fox News table, which was located next to mine. A playful shoving match occurred at one point in the night, which was interpreted by many to be a fight--it was not. I was also not drunk at any point during the evening. Over the course of several hours, 9 Rob Roys is not that much to drink for somebody with a full meal in their stomach. Mostly, it was an exciting evening and both Mr. Howard and I very much enjoyed the hysterical comedy of Jay Leno whose wit knows no racial barrier.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

My Contract On America

Today at the Heritage Valley Tea Party I was lucky enough to be one of the speakers. I was very well-received by a terrific audience when I revealed my Contract On America. If I am reelected to Congress in November, I will make the following promises:

(1) Protest the Constitution:
At any point, where I am called out on my opposition to the Obama agenda, I will protest that it is unconstitutional.

(2) Reject Cap & Trade: Despite praising this idea when John McCain was pushing it, I will vote against that and instead refer to our atmosphere as "crunchy"

(3) Demand a Balanced Budget: We should have no problem supporting a balanced budget while fighting two wars and still keep social security and medicare strong if we just eliminate all other federal funding.

(4) Enact Fundamental Tax Reform: Adopt a simple and fair single-rate tax system by scrapping the internal revenue code and replacing it with one that has no words longer than 2 syllables and avoids all those foreign words. The tax forms should also have pictures for when we don't feel like reading.

(5) Restore Fiscal Responsibility & Constitutionally Limited Government in Washington: Create a Blue Ribbon taskforce because there is no better way to limit government than by creating a new committee. We will then follow the Constitution's original meaning and return all land acquired after 1803 to the proper countries. We will demand that France return to us the $15,000,000 dollar purchase price for Louisiana territory plus interest minus a reasonable and appropriate retroactive security deposit for New Orleans.

(6) End Runaway Government Spending:
Impose a statutory cap limiting the annual growth in total federal spending to a sum not exceeding the total prize winnings of the preceding year's NASCAR top finisher times 1,0000.

(7) Defund, Repeal & Replace Government-run Broadcasting: I will move to arrange for Ruper Murdoch to take control of NPR and require PBS to broadcast at least 2 hours of programming per night showing older Americans acting cool and solving crimes.

(8) Pass an 'All-of-the-Above' Spelling Policy:
We will stop the totalitarian rule of one size fits all spelling in our school system by demanding that teachers accept all variations on a word as long as it sounds kind of right.

(9) Modify Black History Month: Change the focus from black people through history who have overcome great odds to black people through history who didn't have it too bad like Amos McGee who in 1932 bought his own car and became and instant hit with his neighbors in Forest Park, New York.

(10) Stop the Tax Hikes: Permanently repeal all tax hikes that would force corporations to pay federal income taxes. Nearly 1/3 of America's corporations were forced to take on the unfair burden of paying taxes at a time when many unemployed and working poor Americans are ducking their tax liability by not making much money.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Congressman Kimble Opposes Obama Supreme Court Nominee

Today, my friends, the United States Supreme Court is at a tipping point. With the announced retirement of Justice John Paul Stevens, it is extremely important that a suitable replacement is found for Justice Stevens who will support those laws which our government was founded on that still remain popular to this day.

When George Bush was President, he picked two justices in Samuel Alito and John Roberts who were not only the epitome of judicial temperament, but also strict Constitutionalists who follow the ideals our founding fathers had for this country, its people, and its corporations. I had hoped that President Obama would follow President Bush's lead, but instead he has selected unqualified radicals in Justice Sotomayor and now with his latest nominee.

Right now, the Democrats have a majority, but we must not allow them to pack this court with another radical. We need only look at this nominee's judicial record to see a long history of supporting liberal special interests and turning their back on the family values and fiscal conservatism that this country was founded on.

As I mentioned earlier, judicial temperament is just as important as strict adherence to the Constitutionalism. That is why I can't understand why Obama has selected a nominee who is alternately bookishly withdrawn and prone to rage. Surely, there were other potential nominees who were better qualified. Obama's nominee seems to be defensive about both gender and race in a way that is unbecoming of a justice and would make me wonder if a white male could possibly get a fair hearing in front of them. The nominee has made repeated racist and/or sexist remarks that should disqualify anybody from the highest court in the land.

This nominee has not only shown a fondness for socialist philosophers, but also a liberal bias that will seriously endanger rights that we hold dear like the Second Amendment. I urge everybody to please call your Senator and let them know you will not support such a radical nominee.

Representative Jack Kimble (R-CA)

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Congressman Kimble's Apology at CPAC

Good morning, and thank you for joining me. Many of you in this room are my friends. Many of you in this room know me. Many of you have voted for me or you've canvassed for me or you've supported me.

Now every one of you has good reason to be critical of me. I want to say to each of you, simply and directly, I am deeply sorry for my irresponsible and juvenile behavior I engaged in.

I know people want to find out how I could be so selfish and so foolish. People want to know how I could have said these things to my Congressman Blackburn and to Congressman Pence. And while I have always tried to take full responsibility for my actions, there are some things I want to say.
My references “hoo has”, “naughty bits”, “jugs”, as well as my unfortunate and off key rendition of a song I wrote called “Thanks for the Mammaries” was shameful and an anathema to the families values conservative principles that I have upheld since my unfortunate incident in the LAX parking lot in 2008. I apologize for any hurt I may have caused by my comments, or by the making of “awuga” sounds.
In my defense I can only offer the following explanation. After, a night of very limited sleep because of a house guest, I overheard a conversation between Congressman Pence and Congressman Blackburn in wish Congressman Pence expressed his desire for “hotly contested midterms” I overheard him as saying “hot, big chested interns”. When Congressman Blackburn said, “I never had one of those myself” and they laughed, I took things completely the wrong way and embarrassed both of my colleagues.

My beautiful wife Kerry and I have started the process of discussing the damage caused by my behavior. As Kerry pointed out to me, my real apology to her will not come in the form of words; it will come in the form of expensive jewelry, which I will have to buy her. We have a lot to discuss; however, what we say to each other will remain between the two of us until my memoirs come out sometime in 2011.

I am also aware of the pain my behavior has caused to those of you in this room. I have let you down, and I have let down my supporters. For many of you, especially my friends, my behavior has been a personal disappointment. To those of you who work for me, I have let you down personally and professionally yet again. My behavior has caused considerable worry to the lobbyists who have done so much to support me.

For all that I have done, I am so sorry.

I've had a lot of time to think about what I've done. My failures have made me look at myself in a way I never wanted to before. It's now up to me to make amends, and that starts by never repeating the mistakes I've made. It's up to me to start living a life of integrity. You can support that life, by donating to my 2010 campaign. Holding onto my seat is a key to reigning in Obama’s socialist programs.

I once heard, and I believe it's true, it's not what you achieve in life that matters; it's what you overcome. I believe myself, David Vitter, and Tom Ensign play the part daily of setting an example. Character and decency are what really count.

Parents used to point to me as a role model for their kids. I owe all those families a special apology. I want to say to them that I am truly sorry that those children had to see me acting like a motorboat in a sexually inappropriate way.

As I proceed, I understand people have questions. I understand the press wants to ask me for the details and what I meant by the term “meaty, big, and bouncy.” I understand people want to know whether Kerry and I will remain together. Please know that as far as I'm concerned, Kerry and I have a marriage as solid as a rock. She has explained to me that she needs sometime to clear her head before we can put this behind ourselves and she will be spending the recess hiking the Appalachian Trail and coming to grips with the embarrassment I have put her through.

I recognize I have brought this on myself, and I know above all I am the one who needs to change. I owe it to my district to become a better person. I owe it to those closest to me to become a better man. That's where my focus will be. Towards this end, I will begin taking classes in both cooking and ballroom dancing. I have already begun to start a bodybuilding regime recommended by former Mr. Universe Lou Ferrigno.

I have a lot of work to do, and I intend to dedicate myself to doing it. Part of following this path for me is Catholicism, which my mother taught me at a young age. People probably don't realize it, but I was raised a Catholic, and I actively practiced my faith from childhood until I drifted away from it when Notre Dame was eliminated from BCS contention this season. Catholicism teaches that we have an awful lot to feel guilty for. It teaches me to not eat meat on Friday regardless of how superior Roy Rogers’ hamburgers are to their fish sandwich. Obviously I lost track of what I was taught.

In discussing my situation with Newt Gingrich, I've learned the importance of looking at my spiritual life and keeping in balance with my professional life. I need to regain my balance and be centered so I can save the things that are most important to me, my marriage and my children.

That also means relying on others for help. I've learned to seek support from lobbyists in Washington, and I hope someday to return that support to them that they have given me. I especially want to thank Citibank, Marlboro, and Coca Cola who have been amazing generous corporate underwriters since a recent Supreme Court decision gave them that right.

I want to thank CPAC, House Minority Leader John Boehner, and the Republican Party for their patience and understanding while I work on my private life. I look forward to casting no votes with them in the months and years to come.

Finally, there are many people in this room, and there are many people at home who believed in me. Today I want to ask for your help. I ask you to find room in your heart to one day believe in me again.

Thank you.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Supreme Court Ruling is a Victory for Democracy

On Thursday, the Supreme Court voted 5-4 to let corporations spend as much money as they want on campaign contributions. Companies can all buy commercial time to run commercials right through the election. This is great news for the American people.

Some may call this a case of activist judges running amok, but I believe this is what the founding fathers wanted when they first incorporated this country. As a congressman, I have frequently found myself wishing that insurance companies and banks could make their voices heard so I would know how they feel on certain issues—now I can finally hear their side of things. It is great to know that industry can finally have its voice heard.

My father was thrilled to find out that he would no longer have to finance 90% of my campaign alone. For those of you who have been sending in campaign contributions, you have my gratitude, but it is no longer necessary. You can stop sending me money. This is a victory for the little guy to because it was thanks to large organizations like Freedom Works that the Teabag movement was funded.

To corporations I would like to say, “I’m listening.” If there is anything you need, my door will always be open to you. I am very interested in selling the naming rights to my seat in congress much like professional sports teams do. Every time I am interviewed on television, instead of saying Jack Kimble (R-CA) it could say Jack Kimble (R-CA-Citibank) or Jack Kimble (R-CA-PNC). This is tremendous news for democracy and for the robocall industry. After all, corporations who need other corporations are the luckiest corporations in the world.