Friday, June 3, 2011

The Newest Member of Our Family -- Ayn Reagan Kimble

I am very pleased to announce that after a very exhaustive search that took us to over two dozen states and 40 orphanages, we have adopted a new daughter. Seven year old Ayn Reagan Kimble is just the type of daughter we have always wanted and despite her young age is a gifted singer, equestrian, and a winner of several toddler beauty pageants. Just like a Kimble, she's got the fire of competition in her belly already.

Through the talent portion of the search, several orphans were bottle-necked at the top of the standings, but Ayn distinguished herself when she was able to explain how the 1964 Presidential, though a loss for the Republicans, was a watershed moment for the conservative movement in this country.

Kerry deserves much of the credit for locating this beautiful girl who we have named Ayn. While I was in Washington, Kerry took the lead in our search. The St. Benedict's Orphanage we used previously supplied infants to the Republican party during the battle against Obama Care, where they made excellent speaking props. We have chosen February 6th as her birthday, which she will now share with Ronald Reagan.

We know as she gets older, we will have to explain to her that she was adopted and will not get any inheritance from her grandfather, but for now we are an extremely happy family. We intend to take a family bus tour in June to get to know each other before the election campaign really picks up. She will be working as a staffer on my campaign when we return.


  1. I am concerned that your choice of an American orphan show you are against free trade. Shouldn't the choice have been based on lowest orphan cost?

    For instance, I understand there are many Albanian orphans already named after George W. Bush (praised be his name).

  2. I think it's wonderful that you are being so nice. I think you've done enough nice things now; being supportive of women, concerned with children and their understanding of the constitution and helping orphans.

    The heart and soul of the Republican party isn't being nice... it is all about depreciation analysis. We need some downgrading speak about the Democrats. You need to start running down President Obama, attacking working class people, and blaming the poor.

    It's time for some degrading and down grading analysis from you and your campaign.

    Remember... it's all about DEPRECIATION ANALYSIS!

    Now, that's a change we can believe in.

  3. Thank you, sir! Way to adopt! You do good by our young people!

    Now let's see that same commitment from Khalid Sheikh bin Hussein bin Soetoro bin Obumbum!


  4. I applaud those that adopt, especially those in a position of power, like you, congressman. You are among the tireless workhorses that keep this society from falling apart, falling apart thanks to the drug addicts and poor people. I hope that you have put her into a good private school. It's important that we are able to show that private schools are the only way to educate kids who've been so mistreated by their biological parents. By being poor, or dead, or drug addicts.