Rush Limbaugh is Not Our Leader

I have been getting rather fed up lately with people falling for the Democrat strategy of making Rush Limbaugh out to be more than simply a commentator. He is not the leader of the Republican party any more than Keith Olbermann is the leader of the Democrat party. Rush is just an entertainer. None of us take our orders for him, but we do find him entertaining and sometimes quite insightful. I certainly don't take policy points from him.

Messing with Polls Isn't Funny

I noticed some of you liberals thought it was real funny to stack the voting in my poll. Everybody knows that free market capitalism is the best way to improve the economy. I find it really hard to believe that 5 times as many people think Obama style socialism is better. I am not happy about this. I hope you will have the common decency to respect the new poll and not try to stack the voting.

Representative Kimble Apologizes for Shipley Park Teabagging Incident

I would like to extend my deepest regrets for the actions of some at the Teabagging Demonstration at Shipley Park earlier today. I was thrilled with the large turnout and I was excited to see how much attention the large "Teabagging Demonstration" sign attracted. Unfortunately, it turned out that a lot of people who came to see our demonstration were not actually protesting the stimulus package. I had a feeling something was up when I heard quite a large number of snickers during my speech.

It turns out that unbeknownst to us, teabagging has another meaning than the way we had intended it. In fact it has a very filthy and disgusting definition. Evidently, people saw the "Teabagging Demonstration" and thought we were actually going to do it. It is a real shame that the actions of a few perverts ruined the efforts of a bunch of good people to stand up to wasteful spending in this country.

I have also been informed that the teabagging shirts we were giving away were actually about the other kind of teabagging. We have destroyed over 100 offending t-shirts and we would ask that anybody who has either the t-shirt we were selling or the "Congressman Kimble's Teabagging Team" bumper sticker we were giving away to please return them to our office.

Don't Forget Teabagging Demonstration Saturday

Don't forget our Teabagging Demonstration at Shipley Park this Saturday from 9AM until Noon. This should be a great event for the whole family. Even if your children aren't old enough to pay taxes, they'll want to tell everybody about their first teabagging too. I'm looking forward to speaking and getting the message out myself. My office has taken the liberty of purchasing teabagging shirts for the demonstration. You can purchase them for $10 each at the park or stop by my office today. The shirt let's everybody know you think Obama's budget is nuts and that you're not afraid to put your teabag where your mouth is.

Representative Kimble Salutes Heterosexual Married Couples

I welcomed heterosexual married couples into my office this evening for my Salute to Heterosexuality Forum. I met a whole lot of married heterosexuals including the Stanleys, Kryzinskis, and Faulkes. I was happy to reassure them that I would do everything I can to stop gay marriage before it effects their own married lives.

Representative Kimble's Open Letter on Obama - Notre Dame Controversy

Dear President Father Jenkins,

As a 1985 graduate of Notre Dame, I have many fond memories of my time spent in our lady's hallowed halls. Since graduating I have always remained proud of my alma matter and I have applied the moral training that I received at Notre Dame to my career in public office. As a member of Congress I am often called on to make tough moral decisions and it is my faith and the influence of Notre Dame and Ronald Reagan that allow me to make the tough choices.

It is for this reason I am writing to you to protest in the strongest terms your decision to have President Obama speak at this year's Commencement Ceremony. A graduation speaker must uphold the values of the University he is speaking at and President Obama does not do this.

I remember my own graduation very vividly. When El Salvadoran President Juan Napoleon Duarte spoke to us, we knew that he was approaching us as a fellow Catholic and Notre Dame alumnus and that his faith had carried him through difficult times. When those nuns were murdered in his country by right wing death squads under his leadership he must have felt awful, but like Job in the Bible he persevered to continue fighting against socialism and for Catholic ideals in El Salvador.

My grandfather graduated from Notre Dame in 1942 and while World War II was in everybody's thoughts, it was speaker J. Edgar Hoover who told the graduates about a world where law and order would be strictly enforced. This was another moral man who spoke with the convictions of our beautiful university. What Obama must understand is that the decision of Earl Warren (Commencement Speaker 1957) and his Supreme Court in Roe vs. Wade is an anathema to Catholic teaching

Through the years, Notre Dame has had war heroes like William T. Sherman and politicians like President Bush speak at graduations and they have always been men of the highest character. How hypocritical is it of our great university to now ask somebody like Obama, who is quite probably secretly a Muslim, to speak. To go from a great fighter of socialism in Juan Napoleon Duarte to a socialist like Obama in the span of just 25 years is distressing and I fear for the future of Notre Dame. I am suspending my $20 annual contribution until this matter is rectified and a new football coach is hired.

Sincerely,
Representative Jack Kimble (Class of '85)

I Cannot Believe Olbermann

I was having a great day. My Fox 15 thing was a big hit and I got some good me time. So I'm sitting down eating dinner and I get this call from Johnny B. Now Boehner never calls during dinner time so I'm immediately alarmed. "Did you see Olbermann last night?" he asks me.

"No," I said, "Its recess. Get your head out of all that politics stuff."

"Its Virginia," he shot back, "Olbermann slammed Virginia."

Now, I was pissed. It seems as usual Keith Olbermann got only half the story and decided to jump to all sorts of conclusions. He told everybody that Eric Cantor got this idea that we would ambush the freshman Democrats when they spoke in Congress. Then we'd interrogate them and make them look foolish so that we could win partisan points and we would post this on Youtube. In fact, Eric Cantor's staff wrote our questions for us.

In reality, this idea started with me. My idea was water balloons. I thought it'd be cool, when we were all walking out, if we'd have our staff pelt them with water balloons and we'd post it on Youtube. It'd be so awesome because they'd be like "I'm a congressman, but I'm all wet. I don't look dignified at all. Help!"

Eric liked the idea a lot, but he figured the odds of all the freshman walking out at the same time was pretty small and people would tip off the Dems if all our staffers were outside holding water balloons. Our initial questions were wacky like when I was giving Betsey Markey the whole "Is your refrigerator running" shtick. Then Pelosi gave us a major tongue lashing for wasting Congress's time. Grrrr! I hate that woman. Now all that we're left with are boring policy questions. Cantor's staff was at least nice enough to write them for us.

Hazing the freshmen is nothing new. Cantor himself used to have to shave Dennis Hastert's back every Friday morning. I'm told that in the 19th century they used to make the freshmen reps where beanies. This sort of thing builds character. We've even been pretty lenient with the binge drinking with this class. So where does Mr. Keith Olbermann get off? I already told all of you about what Dick Cheney made me do.

Anyway, I made my own video of Virginia Foxx. I am hoping that this will cheer her up. I think you'll like it more than Olbermann's lame video of our "hazing" followed by my video for Virginia.