I Cannot Believe Olbermann

I was having a great day. My Fox 15 thing was a big hit and I got some good me time. So I'm sitting down eating dinner and I get this call from Johnny B. Now Boehner never calls during dinner time so I'm immediately alarmed. "Did you see Olbermann last night?" he asks me.

"No," I said, "Its recess. Get your head out of all that politics stuff."

"Its Virginia," he shot back, "Olbermann slammed Virginia."

Now, I was pissed. It seems as usual Keith Olbermann got only half the story and decided to jump to all sorts of conclusions. He told everybody that Eric Cantor got this idea that we would ambush the freshman Democrats when they spoke in Congress. Then we'd interrogate them and make them look foolish so that we could win partisan points and we would post this on Youtube. In fact, Eric Cantor's staff wrote our questions for us.

In reality, this idea started with me. My idea was water balloons. I thought it'd be cool, when we were all walking out, if we'd have our staff pelt them with water balloons and we'd post it on Youtube. It'd be so awesome because they'd be like "I'm a congressman, but I'm all wet. I don't look dignified at all. Help!"

Eric liked the idea a lot, but he figured the odds of all the freshman walking out at the same time was pretty small and people would tip off the Dems if all our staffers were outside holding water balloons. Our initial questions were wacky like when I was giving Betsey Markey the whole "Is your refrigerator running" shtick. Then Pelosi gave us a major tongue lashing for wasting Congress's time. Grrrr! I hate that woman. Now all that we're left with are boring policy questions. Cantor's staff was at least nice enough to write them for us.

Hazing the freshmen is nothing new. Cantor himself used to have to shave Dennis Hastert's back every Friday morning. I'm told that in the 19th century they used to make the freshmen reps where beanies. This sort of thing builds character. We've even been pretty lenient with the binge drinking with this class. So where does Mr. Keith Olbermann get off? I already told all of you about what Dick Cheney made me do.

Anyway, I made my own video of Virginia Foxx. I am hoping that this will cheer her up. I think you'll like it more than Olbermann's lame video of our "hazing" followed by my video for Virginia.

Become a Summer Intern

Don't forget to stop by my office for applications for a Summer Internship. I'm going to need between 4 and 6 people this year. Being a Congressional intern looks great to future employers, gives valuable experience and we have a blast. Last year's interns (shown at our End of Summer BBQ) Jill, Staci, Jenny, and Sheila all said it was one of the most rewarding times of their life. Make sure you get your application in by May 1st.

Representative Kimble Pushes for School Reform at Steven J. Brown Charter School

This morning I was up early to visit the students at Steven J. Brown Charter School and I must admit it was awe inspiring to see the amount that these students have been able to memorize since the charter opened in September. The Brown philosophy of corporal punishment and rote memorization is proven to get results and we are anxiously awaiting their results from state testing.

Principal Handley and Vice-Principal Sommers were my tour guides as I walked from classroom to classroom. I am definitely convinced that chart schools are the answer to our country's education problems. They will allow caring and concerned parents to seperate their kids from the objectionable students in a way that just isn't possible in a public school setting.

If you're not from my district, let your Representative know that you want more charters. The teacher's unions claim that charter schools are a way to bust the unions, but consider that the largest contributor to charters in this country is Walmart. Do you think a company like Walmart would want to be accused of union busting? or would the Bill Gates Foundation want to be accused of unfair business practices? I think not.

Nervous About Fox 15

The interview has already been taped and Linda Ellard is not only extremely nice, she's a news babe with a capital B. I think I did a nice job stating the reasons why nursing home staff should be armed in the event that al-qaeda tries to get to us through our seniors.

The problem is that I have never really sought the limelight. I haven't been on television that many times and that disastrous appearance on Washington Journal in defense of my bill to extend concealed carry rights to high school and middle school students who had at least a B average and had otherwise qualified to carry a gun did not go over very well with the Eastern elite. I guess I'm lucky that this is a local broadcast. I bet it still gets more viewers than C-Span.

I'm off to bed. That's part of being a responsible public servant. I've been on break for 2 days so far and I still haven't gotten to have any real fun yet.

Do You Ever Wish You Had an Unlisted Number?

Sometimes, I really wish I had an unlisted number. Jeff Miller and Connie Mack got me hooked in this Judge Mathis Show, but I never get to catch it. When I'm in District, Lisa knows not to disturb me when its on. Even my friends who are lawyers admit that Judge Mathis has a way of just cutting to the root of a problem--that's an admirable quality in any judge.

Anyway, the one person Lisa never seems to be able to dodge is Eleanor Holmes Norton. Face to face she isn't that bad, but on the phone she's like a bulldog until she gets through. Now don't get me wrong, she's a very impressive woman, but she's not even really a representative. She's a House Member the way that Angie Dickenson was in the Rat Pack. I mean maybe technically she is, but she can't even vote. Pete Sessions gives her a hard time about it. It really cracks me up, but I think it frosts her bottom to not have an actual vote.

Anyway, she calls right in the middle of Judge Mathis and Lisa caves in and puts her through. We won the House Pictionary Tournament last year so she feels like she has an in with me and I don't dislike her or anything, but I'm trying to watch Mathis on mute with the captions scrolling and she's talking to me on the phone. For all I know I just agreed to support giving her voting rights. That woman is tenacious.

Representative Kimble Honors Retired Rodeo Clown Larry "Bobo" Baker

It was an honor for me to meet rodeo great Larry "Bobo" Baker. Despite standing barely five feet tall, Larry was the kind of rodeo clown that larger men could only dream of being. At a ceremony at Yuchu Courthouse, Larry was presented a plague with the proclamation that I passed in the House of Representatives declaring April 7th as Larry "Bobo" Baker Day. It just goes to show you that it isn't the height of the clown, its the heart of the clown that's important.

What's a Few Billion Dollars Between Friends?

My buddy Paul Ryan (R-WI) is a bit of a nerd. While the rest of us were playing cards over at Jim Jodan's (R-OH) place, Paul is like cranking out this thing. He keeps calling in from the kitchen and asking us, "do we want to cut this or do we want to cut that?" I'm drawing an inside straight and Bill Cassidy (R-LA) is already mouthing off about the way I play cards. You don't backtalk a Baton Rouge gambler either cause he'll stick you.

Anyway, the game is going great and all of a sudden Paul's like, "I finished the whole damn thing. This is like the most killer budget ever."

At first we were all, "Shut up Ryan! We're trying to play cards", but I have to admit I'm really proud that we produced this budget. Not only does it include some nice tax cuts like the kind that had guided us to prosperity over the past 8 years before you know who became the President, but if you look at that chart, we are so kicking his budget's ass in 2035. That's the best thing about being home for these couple weeks. If I was in Washington, I'd have a staffer telling me I can't type the word "ass".

Anyway, the White House was not happy when we put out our own budget. They were like telling us that making a budget was really complicated and we'd never figure it out, but we showed them. That's how we kick it GOP style.