Congressman Kimble Landsline Winner of New Hampshire Debate

[Reprinted from the Oakdale Value Shopper with permission]

54th District Congressman Jack Kimble was the clear winner of last night's Republican Presidential Debate in New Hampshire despite not being invited to participate. Kimble, who has emerged as a tireless champion of conservative family values, capitalism, and plutocracy is a long shot for the nomination, but that didn't stop him from being the debate's big winner according to overnight tracking polls that showed 73% of viewers felt Kimble was the winner, with 20% preferring Ron Paul, and front-runner Mitt Romney tied for a distant third with Michele Bachmann and Herbert Cain.

Because of a paperwork snafu, Kimble was not invited to the debate so he chose to make the best of the situation by tweeting from the Best Western in Concord, where he was staying unaware that the debate was actually being held in Manchester. He responded to the debate questions in real time and was followed by an audience of thousands on Twitter through hash tag #GOPDebate.

"He just came off as real," said longtime political analyst George Coughlin, "When an audience member asked for a way to specific response and Kimble replied that he was just going to dance around the question with platitudes, it reminded me of Ronald Reagan telling Walter Mondale, "there you go again."

@dcGisenyi, a Washington D.C. native, singled out Kimble's plan to "1ook at every immigrant woman of child-bearing age as ticking bomb" particularly compelling before declaring him the debate winner.

@laloalcaraz a nationally syndicated political cartoonist thought Kimble won big points by defiantly declaring, "We know illegal immigrants come here because our life is better. If you elect me, I promise that will stop."

Kimble felt free to talk off the cuff, such as when he declared that like Herman Cain he would make sure any Muslim on his staff would not kill him, but he was masterful when he stuck to the points he felt strongest about like ending child labor laws and government regulation. Perhaps the most memorable line of the night was when Kimble declared that all food should be hand inspected, but by the invisible hand of the free market and not by the FDA.

Clearly, Jack Kimble had the most to lose in this debate, but the effect of his strong showing won't be known until new polls are taken at the end of the week. It is hard to see how Kimble doesn't jump into double digits after this performance.

The Oakdale Value Shopper is owned by Jack Kimble's father Joe Kimble.

New Hampshire GOP Prefers Paperwork to Democracy

This has been a very trying couple of weeks for the Kimble campaign. I had many of my highest ranking campaign officials quit earlier in the week, but I was able to catch them before they could make it out of the parking lot to freedom. I was worried that this might happen if we let the windows open while they worked. That situation has been rectified with the purchase of several wall unit air conditioners.

The big problem happened on Thursday when I was told that because my paperwork was incomplete I would not be allowed to compete in the New Hampshire Republican Presidential Debate this Monday. I tried to appeal to the state GOP's sense of fairness and decency as well as the desire to have all voices represented. Unfortunately, they showed a preference for having pretty paperwork and refused.

This Monday, the debate will be on CNN from 8PM until 10PM and I will be in the Concord Best Western on Twitter using hash tag #CNNDebate to give my answers to the questions asked of contestants. If you care about democracy I ask you to follow along. They can shut us out, but they will not shut us up. I hope to see you then. Be sure to follow @Repjackkimble on Twitter for all the latest in my campaign to become your next President.

The Newest Member of Our Family -- Ayn Reagan Kimble

I am very pleased to announce that after a very exhaustive search that took us to over two dozen states and 40 orphanages, we have adopted a new daughter. Seven year old Ayn Reagan Kimble is just the type of daughter we have always wanted and despite her young age is a gifted singer, equestrian, and a winner of several toddler beauty pageants. Just like a Kimble, she's got the fire of competition in her belly already.

Through the talent portion of the search, several orphans were bottle-necked at the top of the standings, but Ayn distinguished herself when she was able to explain how the 1964 Presidential, though a loss for the Republicans, was a watershed moment for the conservative movement in this country.

Kerry deserves much of the credit for locating this beautiful girl who we have named Ayn. While I was in Washington, Kerry took the lead in our search. The St. Benedict's Orphanage we used previously supplied infants to the Republican party during the battle against Obama Care, where they made excellent speaking props. We have chosen February 6th as her birthday, which she will now share with Ronald Reagan.

We know as she gets older, we will have to explain to her that she was adopted and will not get any inheritance from her grandfather, but for now we are an extremely happy family. We intend to take a family bus tour in June to get to know each other before the election campaign really picks up. She will be working as a staffer on my campaign when we return.

Congressman Kimble Releases Statement on Elect Woman Smear

This evening I discovered a website called Elect Women Magazine was targeting me. Here is a screen capture of what they posted:


My press release is as follows:

The feminati sent out their minions to do their bidding. The matriarchy cannot tolerate threats from thoughtful males who might disrupt their comfortable world. The firefight started when these she wolves sensed weakness. The Amazon warriors of the Manhattan cocktail set attacked with a viciousness far beyond the male of their species, firing without taking aim their distortions and falsehoods. Now they are left exposed by their own headlines and website. But surely they had killed him off. This is the way it always worked. A lesser man could not have survived the first few minutes of the furies' onslaught. But out of the Brett Ratner like explosion of tweets and trivia emerged Kimble, once again ready to lead those who won’t be intimated by this matriarchy's power and are ready to take on the challenges America faces. Such is the way of Jack Kimble and such shall it always be. On this I have spoken and on this have you my word.

Congressman Kimble's Open Letter to Amy Myers

A letter from a New Jersey high school student to Michele Bachmann challenging her to a debate or test of Constitutional knowledge has received a lot of mileage on the internets recently. The student named Amy Myers shows a tremendous amount of chutzpah as she goes immediately on the offensive. This is her letter:

Dear Representative Bachmann,
My name is Amy Myers. I am a Cherry Hill, New Jersey sophomore attending Cherry Hill High School East. As a typical high school student, I have found quite a few of your statements regarding The Constitution of the United States, the quality of public school education and general U.S. civics matters to be factually incorrect, inaccurately applied or grossly distorted. The frequency and scope of these comments prompted me to write this letter.

Though I am not in your home district, or even your home state, you are a United States Representative of some prominence who is subject to national media coverage. News outlets and websites across this country profile your causes and viewpoints on a regular basis. As one of a handful of women in Congress, you hold a distinct privilege and responsibility to better represent your gender nationally. The statements you make help to serve an injustice to not only the position of Congresswoman, but women everywhere. Though politically expedient, incorrect comments cast a shadow on your person and by unfortunate proxy, both your supporters and detractors alike often generalize this shadow to women as a whole.

Rep. Bachmann, the frequent inability you have shown to accurately and factually present even the most basic information about the United States led me to submit the follow challenge, pitting my public education against your advanced legal education:

I, Amy Myers, do hereby challenge Representative Michele Bachmann to a Public Forum Debate and/or Fact Test on The Constitution of the United States, United States History and United States Civics.

Hopefully, we will be able to meet for such an event, as it would prove to be enlightening.

Sincerely yours,
Amy Myers

My response is as follows:

Dear Amy,

Allow me to commend you on expressing yourself so clearly. I have no doubt that you are a great student who has made your parents and teachers proud in your time in high school. I predict a very bright future for you once you mature young student and embrace the GOP.

Michele Bachmann is one of the finest Constitutional scholars I have ever known. I am not just saying that because she is a woman either. I honestly learn something new every single time she talks about the Constitution. The Constitution is the result of the greatest men of all 13 original colonies who got together on an excessively hot July 4th to write down the rules for how our government would work. They made history.

As much as I salute your intelligence, I am afraid you need to learn humility. In my day, that would have happened already during your PE classes, but I understand things have changed. If you want to challenge somebody to a test of Constitutional knowledge or a debate of any kind, then I will gladly accept on behalf of all Republicans in the 112th Congress. Just realize that if you accept, I will crush you. I know nearly all 2 dozen amendments backwards and forwards and with a little brushing up I will be ready for any challenge. If you want a challenge little girl, bring it.

Congressman Jack Kimble
Congressman CA-54

Update: If I appeared harsh to Amy I apologize. She is obviously quite gifted for one so young. However, the young student will never achieve her destiny until she embraces the power of the GOP. In time she will realize she is mistaken about a great many things.

New Kimble 2012 Ad - Bears

We're quite proud of this 30 second spot, which we intend to put in heavy rotation in states with a lot of labor strife. The bears are actually a metaphor for trade unions.

Jack Kimble (Courageousness)

My decision to make an add buy last week targeting Obama for being soft on terror was probably a bad idea in retrospect, but the buy allowed me to put together a new forward looking commercial with a positive message for voters in Iowa, New Hampshire, and South Carolina.